Unreasonable fears

During today's Alanon meeting, it was suggested that one could make list of one's fears.  What am I afraid of? I find myself beset with unreasonable fears.

I'm afraid that somehow or other the apartment I rented will fall through. Checking the facts: I paid the rent, we have the keys, the landlords have been painting and cleaning the back yard. This is a totally unrealistic fear. I have three more days before I take my one-way flight to Brooklyn where my lovely new home will be waiting for me. I'm sure that this fear is just generalized anxiety over this new stage in my life.

I bought a bed and it had to be delivered, but I was afraid that they won't allow me to schedule the delivery for a time that works for me. Checking the facts: either I'll have R. be present for delivery if it has to be within a window in May, or they'll be happy to work with me to do the delivery after I get there. Either way, they will deliver and set it up for me, and I will have a very nice bed to sleep on. Just a week ago I was afraid I wouldn't have a bed, and now I will. UPDATE: a smooth delivery and installation has happened.

I'm afraid of spending all this money for the move: the moving service, the broker's fee, the extra month of rent I have had to pay here, new furniture. Checking the facts: I inherited a sum of money that will pay for all my moving expenses. It's sitting in the bank and it is there to be used. I won't be dipping into my IRA capital or depleting my savings and I'll be able to afford to do things well and right and not take short cuts or worry about how I can't afford it. I am so fortunate that this sum of money is more than enough.

I'm afraid that when I move to my new neighborhood, I will really miss the walks I have been taking here in Berkeley because there won't be all the trees and flowers and plants. Solutions: every day, take a new exploratory walk to see what is the most pleasant route. Find local small parks as destinations. Walk to the library branch that is half an hour away and read the magazines there. Explore the best route to the Botanic Gardens and become a member there. Plan to go there once a week on a flower tour. Let myself miss Berkeley the garden. Enjoy my back yard and make sure I actually use it. Set up a table and get some flowers to plant, starting with Clevelandia sage.  Choose a neighborhood or subway stop to explore each week and branch out. I'll have plenty of exploring to do.

I'm afraid I won't meet people. Solutions: make an effort to meet with Maria and Rosemary and invite them into my new home for potlucks and decorating excursions. Check out Meet-up groups for art or music. Look for group dance lessons at studios. Recognize that I will not be any more isolated there than I am here. Pick up the phone and call Nancy and TJ as usual. Find a way to volunteer. The brutal fact is that I should stay away from in-person activities because of Covid for the time being anyway.

I'm afraid that I am getting less physically able to cope with hauling things back to my apartment. Solution: use delivery services. Get furniture from thrift stores that deliver (I found and bookmarked two in Maps). Buy one of those little shopping carts for groceries and laundry.

 

 

Guo Pei show at the Legion of Honor

I schlepped all the way out to the Legion of Honor today--almost an hour and a half each way on BART and the 38 Geary bus--to see a show of Chinese designer Guo Pei  and her fantastical couture. She has turned to traditional luxury craftspeople for the heavily embroidered textiles. Her couture work is sculptural and ignores the idea of functionality. Each piece was accompanied by accessories and platform shoes with extravagant decoration. One can view her runway collections on YouTube and the best place to see  photos of her work is on Tumblr. Some of the pieces were on display in the galleries, in tandem with the other works of art, and there was also a huge collection of work in a gallery of its own.

This video tour by Your Daily Bree gives a great view of the displays in the galleries:

 

Preparing the move

        Now that I've put all kinds of money down for my new apartment, I need to get ready for the movers to come on June 1. I will get a phone call about five days in advance to review the move and make any adjustments. I'm not going to give in to the temptation to add any furniture. Slowly I'm going through all the drawers and closets to see what I pack and what I leave. The main factor in moving out of a furnished place is that I need to mark clearly what stays and what goes. I just can pack the contents of the closet or the dresser or the bookshelves, but in some cases I need to use post-it notes to indicate which items stay and which ones go. Half the towels are mine and half belong to the unit. Same with blankets, sheets, pillows. I have most of my kitchen needs met by stuff I got from mom's place that my sister saved. As for my dishes and serving ware, I will move the loose items to the top of the kitchen table as a staging area for the movers. There is a fair amount of framed art to pack. I've started taking down stuff like all the magnets and images on my fridge, the smaller paper posters, the smaller framed prints that are not framed with glass. I will need to take some time to pack up all my earrings that are hanging up; maybe I should used tape to attach them together before I pack them in a baggie so they don't get lost in the tangle.

I found about a dozen small bottles of baths salts and bath oils I got from Nancy and mom from hotels, but there's no bathtub in the new place so I should just make a selection and give some to Rosemary. She doesn't have any storage to speak of in her bathroom so I need to remember that.  I wonder if there is a sauna or bathhouse anywhere. I should check Korean neighborhoods.

As I go, I am discovering things that I haven't used or seen in years, and I get to decide if I'm going to donate them (all the craft supplies) or keep them (the go bag for natural disaster prep). In my new home I won't need to worry about wildfires sweeping down from the hills, or earthquakes. I might need to deal with a fire. I'll get renters insurance and repack the go bag when I get there to make it less geared toward camping out homeless in the zombie dystopia, and more about having things for a prolonged stay at a motel or at my daughter's place in case I were to be displaced by a fire. 

Here's some professional moving instructions: