Gemini New Moon! plus astrology jokes

I really enjoy Kelley Rosano's astrology blog, her posts and her videos. Here is a link to her most recent post: Gemini New moon today. Sometimes it can seem as if someone is speaking directly to you, and this video from Kelley is absolutely spot on for me.




At the end of her video, she performs a dramatic reading of these Astrology prayer jokes, with her hilarious giggles. [To skip to the funny part at the end, start at 6'22"]. I love her. By the way, my sun sign is Scorpio, with Aries Moon and Aries Rising, so the combination of the two gives me this exactly right-on reading of my struggle right now.
SCORPIO: “Dear God, help me forgive my enemies, even if the bastards don’t deserve it.”
ARIES: “Dear God! Give me PATIENCE and I want it NOW!”

Here's the whole list, from Kelley Rosano's site (Thanks, Kelley!)
Do you see yourself here?

ARIES: “Dear God! Give me PATIENCE and I want it NOW!”
TAURUS: “Dear God, please help me accept CHANGE in my life, but NOT YET.”
GEMINI: “Yo God…(or is it Goddess?)…Who are you?…What are you?…..Where are You?…..How many of you ARE there? I can’t figure you out!”
CANCER: “Dear Daddy, I know I shouldn’t depend on you so much, but you’re the only One I can count on while my security blanket is at the cleaners.”
LEO: “Hi, Pop! I’ll bet you’re really proud to have me as your kid!”
VIRGO: “Dear God, please make the world a better place, and don’t screw it up like you did the last time.”
LIBRA: “Dear God, I know I should make decisions for myself. But, on the other hand, what do YOU think?”
SCORPIO: “Dear God, help me forgive my enemies, even if the bastards don’t deserve it.”
SAGITTARIUS: “OH ALMIGHTY, ALL KNOWING, ALL-LOVING, ALL-POWERFUL, OMNIPRESENT, EVERLASTING GOD, IF I’VE ASKED YOU ONCE, I’VE ASKED YOU A THOUSAND TIMES — HELP ME STOP EXAGGERATING!!!!!!!!!!”
CAPRICORN: “Dear Father, I was going to pray, but I guess I ought to figure things out for myself. Thanks anyway.”
AQUARIUS: “Hi God! Some say you’re a man. Some say you’re a woman. I say we’re ALL God. So, why pray? Let’s have a party!”
PISCES: “Heavenly Father, as I prepare to consume this last fifth of Scotch to drown out my pain and sorrow, may my inebriation be for Thy greater Honor and Glory.”