Como Conservatory

So, I've noticed a thing. For the second month in a row, I did very very well for the first few weeks with a new dosage of a new med: calm, happy, not much physical pain from the fibromyalgia. Then, unexpectedly and for no apparent reason (at the time) I almost lost my mind again for 2-3 days: panic attack, paranoia, weeping, frightened, enraged, the emotional cycles of a toddler with added grown-up fears.

 Annnnnd.... now I'm (relatively) fine again. What the hell gives? Is this like a bipolar menstrual cycle? I don't know if the symptoms are solely in response to external circumstances or if there is some physiological cycle that is triggering this. But I did not deal well with the changes in my prescription plan which will now force me to only purchase my meds in person during a 3-4 day window of time, and which promise a prohibitive charge if I dare try to buy them for delivery in the mail, as I had previously done for years and years. The phone rep said they would charge me $1300 for a ninety-day supply. Not a mistake, I asked her to repeat it: thirteen hundred dollars for 90 pills. The alternative is $75 for 30 if I buy them in person each month, but ONLY if Inever have to be out of town ever again for the brief period when the Rx can be filled and before I run out. My efforts thus far to change this situation have been fruitless. I felt enraged, frightened, ashamed, bla bla bla, at how poorly I handled this news. Not with other people: with myself. I spent three days beating myself up without letting anyone know because I am too ashamed at what they might think of me. A little too much of the "bipolar: you're doing it wrong" type of feedback.

Now I am doing better, mysteriously, and I don't know why. It's fucking exhausting and I'm pathetically grateful and somewhat anxious about how long the relative calm might last. I hate scaring my family, but if I don't lean on them for some emotional help, I do very poorly.

Yesterday, we went to the Como Conservatory for a much-needed dose of color, warm humid air, scents, sounds of running water, fish. The animal enclosures in the zoo are much too small and I am always devastated when I go there, so we avoided it, except for an attempt to see the sloth. Sloth spotted, but too curled up to see its face. We did see horsetails, bonsai camellia, baby pink bananas, and koi