Alanon sponsorhip

Since the year 2000, I have been attending Alanon meetings on and off. When I first started going, I was working so I found a meeting that fit in with my lunch hour on a Wednesday, in downtown Minneapolis.  I was in a crisis because of a relationship with a very manipulative and dishonest man, one that I knew was really bad but that I couldn't seem to let go of. I felt out-of-control and that my life had become unmanageable, as they say. When I first went to a meeting, I just sat there and cried because it finally felt safe--I had been afraid that if I started crying I would never stop. That's what it felt like, at least. I started attending regularly, learned about 12 Step programs,  and started working the steps for myself. Eventually I got a sponsor and did my "searching and fearless moral inventory," All of this work helped me understand how the relationship was repeating patterns laid down by my qualifier's addiction. 

I began to learn ways to change my behavior so I was less reactive. When my schedule changed and I couldn't go to the meetings any more, I fell away from Alanon and stopped working the steps.  When I moved back the Bay Area, I decided to reconnect with the program, and found some meetings I could attend that were within walking distance of home. Eventually I felt connected enough to take on some service responsibilities, and I even become someone's sponsor. But I found it hard to take the step of asking someone to be my sponsor--I just have a hard time asking for help. Finally, a few days ago, after my regular meeting, I got up the courage to ask someone who had been speaking about sponsorship if she would be willing to sponsor me. She agreed, so now I have made a commitment to working with her on a daily and weekly basis. I need the structure and the motivation. I'm ready to do my 4th and 5th steps again because it has been so long since I did them before. I'm grateful for the fellowship and community.