Bad habits

For the last month or so I've found that I don't want to get out of bed. I end up staying in bed until 10, listening to podcasts because I need to distract myself. I actually wake up around 5 or 7 or whenever to go to the bathroom and don't fall back asleep but just sort of doze. Today I set an alarm for 9 and managed to get out of bed at 9:30. That's an improvement. I don't usually have anywhere to go or anything I need to do at those hours so I've just been noping it up. Nope, I don't want to move. It has been suggested to me that this might be one of the side effects of grief. I haven't been lying there feeling sad in a conscious way, so it's hard to know if this morning inertia is from grief or just good old fashioned depression. Or both, as the case may be. What I want to do is to try to get up earlier and try going back to some of my morning habits that I have abandoned: writing morning pages, looking at my Alanon readings for prompts and doing some writing about them, doing yoga with YouTube yoga teacher Adriene. So today I didn't quite make it up at 9 but I did get up a half hour earlier. I didn't write or do yoga, but I did get up and have breakfast and got out of the house for my 11:30 appointment. I'm going to try hard not to beat up on myself about how I don't like this behavior and I'm having such a hard time changing it. I read some things about how to break bad habits. I managed to break the bad habit of biting my nails a few years ago, a lifelong source of shame and frustration. So I know I can do it. The other activity I want to undertake is to get rid of all the stuff I do not want to move to Brooklyn in a few months. It's amazing how much clutter I've accumulated since I left Minnesota with almost nothing. I'm tempted to do the same as then--just jettison everything except what I can fit in a few suitcases. If it weren't for the framed art that I want to keep and the very fancy reclining armchair I love, I would just get on the plane and go. But I'm going to have to move a smallish amount of stuff and it will probably cost a fortune.