Hello, I am Joanna and I have Major Depressive Disorder. I live a happy healthy life with a mental illness that has, in the past, been a lot tougher to manage. At one time I did not believe I would survive. But I got help. I will never forget, and I will always be grateful to the people who helped me believe that "it gets better" because in the worst moments of depression it is precisely the overwhelming feeling that it will never get better that leads to crippling despair.
The topic of suicide is a tough one because there are so many fears and stigmas, so many judgments attached to it. I know from my own experience with chronic depression that suicidal ideation can be a symptom of an underlying physiological disorder as much as it is a response to situational pain. In my case, treating the physiological disorder with medications along with intense work to face and understand my responses to situations has helped keep me safe, and has made this disease one I have survived.
A message that helped me enormously came from a book by David Conroy, Out of the Nightmare: Recovery from Depression and Suicidal Pain.
He states: "Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain." This is not an easy message to understand on its face, so if you want to know more, check out the book. In my case, I was fortunate to get the help I needed in decreasing the pain and increasing the coping resources.
Sometimes, the resources for coping with pain include hearing messages of hope and acceptance. They may not be enough to overcome the pain for all, but they may be a start for overcoming the pain for many. Watching the "It Gets Better" project unfold, I reflect on my own struggles and I'm grateful that people are bringing these messages out into the light.
A platform that allows people to create dialogue can be a powerful thing. Dan Savage and his partner Terry posted their "It Gets Better" video on YouTube, and kicked off something that has become bigger than their one message. They started a YouTube channel and when the responses reached the limit (650), they encouraged people to start their own YouTube Channels or to post to their facebook page. Now there is a stand-alone website. And the messages to the facebook page and the YouTube show no signs of letting up. From ordinary folks and famous folks, a wide variety of people are speaking out and putting faces and stories to their expressions of love and support. Never underestimate the power of stories or peer support.
This is not to say that this project is enough, and to be fair to Dan Savage, he never claimed it was. He understands perfectly well that much more needs to be done than "send a message." Some of the thoughtful (and less thoughtful) posts people have put up in response (a few here at The Atlantic) point out that we also need to listen, to acknowledge that racism may mean that gay teens don't find support in some parts of the gay community, or that we should be thinking about ACTION for change. Yes, indeed! But these simple messages are still important. Hearing these messages may be a first step for someone, one that enables them to take the next step, to reach out and connect, to get help. I know that I needed this message before I could do anything else to heal.
So, what to do? The Make It Better Project takes up the challenge. Check it out! Yes, you can take action now! Be inspired by Lucinda Naylor's DVD to ART project, or the Return the DVD project.
Any teenager with any questions about sex or gender (and not just fears or experiences of bullying)can go to Scarlateen.com for excellent, accurate, non-judgmental resources. Heather Corinna and Dan Savage talk about the need for kids to be safe, and how it is not always possible to be out and safe at a very young age or in certain circumstances, which is one reason why this message to teens is so important: you may not be able to control everything in your life now, but you can choose to accept yourself now, and choose life now.
From young people who work to help their peers:
From folks in San Francisco:
From members of the SF Gay Men's Chorus, very thoughtful and detailed messages about how and why it gets better! and a song.
And from sweetkellygirl who has the courage to call herself a "recovering homophobe" and who says It Gets Better for homophobes as well (and that includes all of us at some point).
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