A stupid quest

I had to channel the spirit of Steve Jobs in order to get Apple Customer Relations to explain to me why they wanted to charge me close to $1000 to repair my laptop,without specifying what exactly they were going to be repairing.
First it stopped working. I took it to the Apple store, and the tech replaced the logic board and the top panel on the keyboard case because it was cracked (what Apple calls a "known issue"). My Apple Care 3-year warranty covered this.
Small problem: when I get home the computer still won't boot up. Dead. So I take it back. The tech says he has to send it to Apple because he can't get it to boot up either and doesn't have the parts to repair it, this is the usual procedure, bla bla bla. He can't tell me what exactly is wrong with it, but hints that this is the protocol.
Apple then tells him that they won't repair it under the warranty because there has been "spillage" for which the have "photographic documentation" and the LCD (display) is damaged. They want me to pay almost $1000 to fix it. I say that I did not spill anything, but it is not inconceivable that another person did (although my daughter would have told me and I would have noticed it, I'm sure), but would they please tell me what exactly they were going to repair as I brought it in because it wouldn't boot up and they had already replaced the logic board. The tech gives me the serial number and make, and urges me to embark on my next Quest.

First, I am to call the 1-800 number, but I must be sure to ignore the menu that will confuse me and not lead me to my destination. I must ask to be connected with Customer Relations, and not accept any other destinatin. Make sure that when I am connected that I am indeed talking to Customer Relations and not something else with a similar name. I do so, and although the rep tried hard to head me off, eventually I am given a magic case number and transferred.

Customer Relations listens to my story and promises to find out what's up and call back. However, a few hours later, I'm talking to CR again, but the story remains the same: I must have spilled something, thus voiding the warranty, and they have pictures. I repeat my questions: what is it that they have to fix to get the computer to boot up? and why are they claiming that the palm rest shows damage when that part was replaced?

We go around like this for a while and it finally emerges that the repair folks have not even opened up the computer to see what is inside it! they have opened the lid and looked at the exterior, but have not "looked under the hood" so to speak. I am livid, but trying hard to remain civil and calm, and to ensure that the person on the other end of the line and I are using the same terminology. I keep repeating that if this were a car that I took into the shop, nobody would expect me to pay the equivalent of the price of a new car before they even opened the hood or looked underneath. I am polite but persistent and logical. I make it clear that I will not allow him to rephrase my words into a different story.

Finally, the guy just says, we'll fix it for you at no charge, and I ask him to send it to me at my work address. I am hoping that it arrives soon and that when it does, that it actually works.

I go home feeling exhausted and confused. I have achieved my goal, but I feel just horrible.

The tech guy at the store calls me this morning to tell me that it looks as if Apple has "released" the machine and it will indeed be repaired.