Home again, home again, jiggity jig.

While I was away, the heat went off. Without going into details, we were able to get the gas company's service team to come over and get it going again. This took three people many hours over three days; heat was restored the second day, but the actual repair took much longer. I talked to the repair crew when I got back, and older guy with experience with this type of boiler, and a younger guy who was working with him. Apparently, the call they got from the first responder was "Wait til you see this one, it's the size of a Volkswagon." Indeed! We have a hundred-year old cast iron boiler that used to be fired by coal, but now uses gas. It heats water which rises to the radiators as steam. You have to keep it filled and blow out the sediments that can gunk up the various gauges and pipes. There is also a little motor that goes on to get the gas going, and they no longer make them. Once that goes, the whole systems will have to be replaced. There is asbestos to be removed through abatement, etc. A huge job, and not one we want to do while the temperatures are below zero, as they are today.

They got it working again, and we hope it will last through the heating season, but I'm getting estimates to replace it in the spring.

Acnestis is the spot, notalgia parasthetica is the itch.

Rob Breszny's horoscope for the week beginning Jan 17:

"You know that area on your back that you can't quite reach if you want to scratch it? It's called your acnestis. I propose that we make it your featured metaphor of the week. Why? Because I suspect you will have to deal with a couple of itchy situations that are just beyond your ability to relieve. Yes, this may be frustrating in the short run. But it will ultimately make you even more resourceful than you already are. By this time next week, you will have figured out alternative solutions that you haven't even imagined yet."

After the week I just had, it is quite obvious to me that my psychic or spiritual acnestis is the unresolved burden of resentment I still bear toward my father and how he affected all our lives, which I have so unfortunately transferred to my workplace.  The fact that the bad behavior is real makes it feel as if the itch is out of reach, but there ARE ways to treat it, to relieve the symptoms, even to get rid of it.

One of my fibromyalgia symptoms has always been an itchiness in that one spot I can't reach, my acnestis. The itch is prodromal symptom of what becomes pain in that spot, but also in other trigger points, and the all-over pain and fatigue that feels like a flu with no fever.   It's the first spot to flare up, and at its worst, it feels as if someone has driven an icepick into my back, next to my left shoulderblade. I have also learned that there is a rare, but real, medical condition that consists of  severe itching, localized midway between the spine and the shoulder blade, or right under the shoulder blade:  notalgia paresthetica. Nothing relieves the itch for many people, who become desperate with frustration. Most research and treatment has focused on either topical relief (cortisone, ice packs, etc)  or some idea about injury to the nerve at the spine, but my own experience is that I can only relieve the itch/pain if I treat it as a myofascial trigger point, in which the nerve is compressed. Massage, manipulation to reset the position of ribs, etc, trigger point injection therapy, or some combination of these, has been most effective for relief of this spot for me.

A few years ago I read a book on treating fibromyalagia that suggested that one note the very first spot that signaled a flare-up, and give it a name. I named mine HAL: as in "HungryAngryLonely," but also after the rogue AI/computer HAL-9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey. If HAL-9000 was a survival mechanism gone awry, then my "HAL" spot signals when my survival mechanisms have turned against me, and will manifest themselves as an itch that impossible to scratch, and then a pain that always returns.

"Open the pod bay doors, HAL."
"I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that."

Almost the end of our time in Zaragoza

I'm posting some images from an amazing walk we took yesterday, mostly because they are pieces of a whole that is not recognizable. Maybe I'll post something about the context later.

Today we have a hectic social agenda, to say goodbye to people before we leave tomorrow. On Sunday, we'll drive to stay the night in Guadalajara, close to Madrid. Monday is travel day: up at 4AM to get to the airport at 5 for the 7AM flight. We return to Mpls by way of Paris. Somewhere over the Atlantic, we will (I hope) sleep for the eight hour flight as we turn back time 7 hours. We arrive at 1PM on the same day. Then: Shuttle to ramp, hope the car starts, home, to face the fact that the heat went out on my house-sitters, who got the gas people in quickly to do the repair on the boiler. God, I hope it works!

Collages

 I pillaged a Science magazine and a couple of Spanish newspaper supplements for the elements of these two collages. Click on the image to embiggen.

Do something creative every day in 2013

Looking over my "life list," I remember how many items are about expanding my range of ways to be creative: knitting, sewing, beading or making jewelry, playing with photos, writing. I found iHanna's lovely blog when she was the curator of the @sweden Twitter account. One of her first posts for 2013 was about her intention to make a collage every day this year, a kind of "project" she has done before (here's a list). I decided that I wouldn't (couldn't) make a commitment to one particular art form, but that I could make room every day for creativity.

Jan 1, I took a "photo safari" around Zaragoza and put up three blog entries with some of my photos. Jan 2, I pillaged the magazine pile and cut out words and images related to the turning of the year, and to my exploration of making major changes in my life. It was hella fun, and I ended up making two collages: one inside the cover of my current journal using mostly words, and another more visual one on a journal page. I've taken photos of them and will decide if they are good enough to post (the photos, not the collages), because I'd like to document these projects. But I'm not going to beat myself up if I don't manage to write or post about this every day. Maybe I'll end up doing a weekly round-up on a particular day; I'll see how it works out. I'm adopting iHanna's tag of #365in2013.

Prado paintings in La Lonja, Zaragoza

Yesterday we went to La Lonja, a jewel of a building built in the 1500s in high Renaissance style and now used for art exhibitions. The latest is a collection of 43 paintings called “Rubens, Brueghel, Lorena. El paisaje nórdico en el Prado.” By "nórdico" from the perspective of Spain in the 17th century, one should understand the Spanish Netherlands (the name given to the Southern Netherlands when they were ruled by the Archduke Albert VII (of Austria) and Archduchess Isabela Clara Eugenia Infanta of Spain. This couple were patrons of the arts in an effort to legitimize Hapsburg rule during the peaceful period after war between Spain and the Dutch Republic ended in 1609.

The exhibit was divided into nine sections, showing how a realist representation of the landscape became an important, even central feature in genre, maritime, mythological or allegorical paintings, and in works clearly intended to display the new peace and prosperity, as well as the property, of the rulers. My favorite work was Winter Landscape with a Bird-Trap, one of five copies Pieter Breughel the Younger made of a 1565 painting originally done by his more famous father (Pieter Bruegel the Elder).

New Year's Day walk (3/3)

 Not all of the walk was about urban monuments or urban art. One of the delights of river walks is the edge between the built landscape and the wild. There were quite a few mallards swimming upstream.

 Between the path and the river, scrubby banks with wildflowers.

 One of my favorite flowers in the area (una malva).

 Parrots are an invasive species here, but the are just as charming as the ones in San Francisco.

 I saw quite a few cormorants--Great Cormorant (Phalacrocorax carbo)--flying and swimming. This one dove several times, and always emerged upstream.

Looking back from the Stone Bridge, you can see the kind of vegetation on the banks. 

An encounter that included vigorous sniffing.

New Year's Day walk (2/3)

New Year's Day walk (1/3)

The Stone Bridge (Puente de Piedra) stands where the Romans had originally built a wooden bridge. Built again in the 1400s, it has been partially destroyed by floods, and rebuilt over the centuries. A pair of lions stands at either end.

I began my walk by crossing the Puente de la Almozara, from the southern bank to the northern bank. Just a few decades ago, that side of the river was mostly gardens and farm land: we have watched as block after block of apartments have been built.

From the middle of the bridge, looking east and upstream, I could see the Pasarela built during the Expo that leads to the new train/bus station, Delicias. Almost all of the buildings constructed for the Expo are unused, a product of the frenzy of speculation that preceeded the current economic crisis in Spain.

The next bridge down is the Puente de Santiago, and you can see the Stone Bridge in the distance. a flotilla of ducks is hanging out in the shadow. On the other bank one can see the monuments of the various ages of a city that is more than 2000 years old: the Roman walls, the Moorish tower, the Basilica del Pilar, the church towers of San Juan and San Pablo.

The Basilica (above) is an impressive heap, but it's not my favorite church at all. The river is wide and fast as it moves through the city. The water is high now, in the winter, but will get much lower in the summer.

Wishing you all a Happy New Year!

2012 that was

As an exercise in reflection on 2012, I looked at the first post of each month. This has been a year of transformations in my household, many of them wonderful, exciting, and joyful. And at the end of the year, I have had to buckle down to finish a task undertaken a while ago, but not yet completed. I'm ready for 2013.

January. We were in Spain for the holidays last year, too. We took a day trip to a restored wetland that has become a place where flocks of cranes and all kinds of other birds and wildlife are flourishing. Restoration, new life, possibilities!

February: I posted the Ted Talk by neuroscientist Antonio Damasio, because he writes (and speaks) so beautifully about the sense of self and our physiology. I'm working on changing up my meds so that I can live with my wonky brain chemistry in a healthier way.

March: "8: The Play" Same-sex marriage was to be theme throughout the year, up through the elections. It feels as if a corner has been turned. I can't/won't become cynical.

 April A death: Adrienne Rich. I owe her a lot. Rereading "Diving Into the Wreck."

May: another death, another formative context; Tomás Borge, the Sandinista revolution. Idealism, degradation. Can we pardon those we feel betrayed us?

June: commencement speeches (from Laurie Anderson, from Neil Gaiman)  for my high-schooler's graduation.

July: for me, this was the year of modest, but joyful gardening: a new rain garden in front, tomatoes and herbs in back.  Tending my garden, rooting out invasive species:

August: Another death: Chavela Vargas, lived to see the world ready to celebrate her (public) coming out in her eighties.

September: a year of dance, a moment when my pop culture TV fix unexpectedly gave me with a shot of genius: Axis Dance Company's performance.

October: the video for "Get your cray on" by K-pop idol G-Dragon.  Where do fandoms and pop culture meet up in acts of translation/opacity?

November. By the time election day arrived, I felt like Shamus the dog in this political ad Montgomery Burns made for Mitt Romney: quivering, whimpering, desperate to escape ("another jumper).

December: The Pixies, then and now. I only learned later that the performance I saw last year was by  people who had created a second chances for themselves after breaking down and breaking up. "Where is My Mind?" (1988).

1988-2012. Twenty-six years

Nochebuena

Christmas Eve menu in Zaragoza:

• Assorted canapés with spreads like mousse de bacalao, oliva, anchoa, langosta. 
• A very large crab called buey de mar 
• razor clams (navajas) with a green sauce. 
• Largish sea snails called canadillas.

 Not pictured because my camera battery ran out:

•  langostinos, 
• champiñones rellenos,  
• lomo embuchado, 
• ensalada de quinoa,  
• cardo en salsa de nueces, 
• lubina al horno con salsa, 
• macedonia de frutas, 
• turrón, champán.

Great-aunt Alma:

My mother's aunt Alma is her mother's youngest sister. My grandmother, Giovanna Nitti, was the oldest sibling, and Alma was the youngest. Alma is only ten years older than mom, about the same age as my mother's oldest brother, Jim.  She was the only woman in the family who didn't marry or have children. Instead, she had a career in Manhattan working at BMI until she retired in the '80s. She loved interacting with the musicians. I don't think she was well treated at the end of her career, something that happens to older women rather frequently.

        When I used to visit her in New York, while she was still working, she would always send me to her hairdresser (she was always perfectly groomed, then as now, and was appalled by my lack of polish). She would buy me tickets to a Broadway show from the half-price dealers: I saw a Tommy Tune musical, Frank Langella in Dracula, and the original cast of Hurly-Burly.  When we went out to dinner, she never let me pay, although I always tried. She  told the maitre-d' ahead of time not to take my money. It seemed to me that she lived differently than many other women of her generation, as a career woman when it was not the norm, but she always upheld very traditional gender roles. The man was always right.

         Now she is 92, and lives in an assisted living facility on Long Island. They have filmed these short interviews, or "Life Stories," and my mother shared this with me.  

Zaragoza sunset

Birds roost in some trees behind our building, and their return at sunset is spectacular.  I think they are swallows. Here's a video where you can see how they swirl.

Only a few more days of 2012

We are off to spend three weeks in Spain with our family in Spain. I'm so happy to know that our friends will be enjoying a creative retreat in our home, in the company of Master Leo. We'll be back for a few days, and then off to San Francisco to visit our family in SF.  I will be glad to be away. These past few months have been hard.

Our first-year student was rewarded with straight A's for her hard work and creativity in her first semester. I'm happiest about how much she enjoyed all the new things she tried, and how much she learned that wasn't on the tests.

I am eager to read the papers by my freshman class; they were at terrific group, and I'm only sorry that I wasn't able to say goodbye to them in person during the last week of class.

During these weeks, I will be meditating on the New Moon in Sagittarius post by Katie at Empowering Astrology. I have been finding these writings extraordinarily apt for my stage of life right now. "Head home" is a phrase that emerged, and the idea of rebalancing the feminine. What does she mean about Uranus going direct? Here are some questions to ponder:

So ask yourself, as this new moon begins to wax, as we head towards the much hyped solstice in 8 days, what does “head home” mean to you? How are you integrating and releasing your shadow? How are rearranging the parts? How are you rebuilding a better you? Uranus is about to turn direct. The alarm clock says it’s time to wake up.

Sagamihara

When I was five, our family left El Paso, Texas, on the first stage of our journey to Japan, where my father was to be stationed. We drove to California. I don't remember the drive, but I do remember that we stopped at the San Diego Zoo and Disneyland on our way to San Francisco. What must it have been like to have three kids under six in the back seat of the car? 

From San Francisco, we took ship to Japan, a two-week trip with a stop in Hawaii. The ship was  the USNS Gen. Hugh J. Gaffey, one of many ships in the Military Sea Transport Service (MSTS). This essay by Tom Barry on the JapanBrats blog includes the memories of many kids who made the trip with their families during those years. I also remember the spartan conditions, the boredom, the cramped cabins (I think we were all sick at one point), but also crossing the International Dateline, seeing flying fish, and arriving at Yokohama, welcomed by a band.

 When we arrived, housing wasn't ready for us yet, so we lived for a few months in temporary housing at the Sagami Depot. I remember the rows of tanks and half-tracks parked on the other side of the fence. We slept in a bunk bed, which was exciting, but at least one of us fell out. I had my sixth birthday there. 

We then moved to Sagamihara Dependent Housing Area, which was part of the military complex supporting Camp Zama, where my father was working in the hospital as a surgeon.  Here we see the base as an island of green in a highly urbanized area, but I remember farmland.


According to my father, in the first two years we were there, it was like working in a small town, but with the escalation of the war in Viet Nam, the number of wounded being transported was such that the 100 beds were increased to 500, and three other hospitals were built, to receive the thousands of casualties that were to arrive in the next few years. 

Of course, I knew almost nothing of this. What I remember is my first grade teacher, Miss Bell, whom I adored.  The Snack Bar had a jukebox and hamburgers. We loved an excuse to eat there.
 

 Teachers from the Elementary School. We lived next door to Mrs. Allen.There were three kids: Sharon, who was twelve, was like a goddess to me. Debbie Cynthia, who was my age, beat me up. Billy, who was younger, was, according to my mother, a brat.

 I learned to swim in this pool, where we spent hours and hours in the summer.

 

The "Up Series" part 2:

As I finished my Netflix marathon of the Up documentary series, I realized that I am the same age as this group. Well, slightly younger, but I also turned 7 in 1964, the year of the first film.  I decided to make my own timeline, parallel to the series: where was I in the year of the release of each part, or when I was the age given in each title: 7, 14, 21, 29, 35, 42, 49, and now 56? (although because I'm a year behind, I'll have to settle for just-turned-55).

Because my family moved frequently when I was young (dad was a doctor in the Army), to make my timeline I found that I had to do some work to nail down the exact dates for events that I vaguely remembered: when did we move? when were we in each housing situation? what grade was I in at school?

As I worked out this chronology, I also wondered what  I really remembered about those years, and how this somewhat arbitrary cycle relates to other milestones in my life, such as graduating from high school, or moving to Minnesota.  I wondered what I might have said if I had been interviewed like those children: what was my heart's desire (to be a horse. And if I couldn't be a horse, to be an archaeologist in Egypt). Where would I go to school in the future (absolutely no clue). Did I have a boyfriend (no, but I had an intense crush on Mike Fukushima, to whom I never said a word, a pattern that would be repeated each school year until I was in high school).

My life has been at once typically American middle class in many ways and rather unorthodox in others. I've previously counted the number of times we moved (4), the number of homes we lived in (7) while we were still in the Army. I've reckoned my life in boyfriends/relationships with men. And then there are the more traditional timelines of schooling, career, parenting. How does this 7+7 timeline intersect with these?

I started to write about what I remembered from age 7, from the year 1964. My family had just moved from El Paso, Texas, where my brother and sister were born, to an Sagamihara Dependent Housing Area, near Tokyo because my rather had been stationed in Camp Zama hospita. I realized that Apted's films almost never refer directly to national or world events, whereas my life was shaped, at this point especially, by my father's work as an Army doctor during the major escalation of the Viet Namwar. Yet I know almost nothing about what my father was doing, what he thought or felt about the extraordinary experiences he lived through as a surgeon at Camp Zama from 1963 to 1967.

Colbert: funny AND a mensch

 (via Alan Sepinwall, one of my favorite TV critics)

"Breaking Downton" Warning: NSFW and lots of insidery Breaking Bad jokes, but I love it!

The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

The "real" Stephen Colbert started a super-PAC to draw attention to the evil of PACS (my words), and actually raised a boatload of money. Here is his way of sharing the fact that the money has all been donated to groups helping victims of Hurricane Sandy, and also a group working for campaign finance reform. 

The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

Nicholas David (Mrozinski)

Minnesota native son (Saint Paul! Eagan!) has made it to the final three on The Voice. Like the other two finalists, he has been gigging around, recording his own music, playing in bands.  They aren't amateurs.
 If you want to hear a genuine Minnesota accent, listen to his dad in this little bio clip. Pure.


 You can find his original music at his website,

He's pretty scruffy in his audition with "Stand By Me," but Cee Lo picks him for his team. Wise choice, Cee Lo, because he has become a fan favorite.

Jennifer Hudson ("Holy Buckets!") worked with him on this Bill Withers song, "Lean on Me" (one of my favorite songs ever).

He gave his own flavor to this up-tempo Barry White song.

 "The Power of Love" gets the soul treatment.

The other two finalists are good.  I don't much care for Cassadee, but the rocker dude Terry McDermott has a great voice, of the power tenor rocker type, and sings with conviction. He has covered songs by The Who, Journey, Boston, and even the Kansas classic, "Carry On, My Wayward Son." (aka "The Supernatural song") Does that mean that the Supernatural fandom will vote for him en masse?  If so, watch out.

The "Up series" Part 1

Having seen the POV blog's list of best documentaries, I was reminded of my desire to see the series of films by Michael Apted, now known as the "Up series" In 1964, Apted was brought in on a project that later he made his: a group of children from widely different backgrounds was selected and then interviewed, with the premise: who will they be in the year 2000? The assumption or question behind the films, made every seven years since then, had to do with ideas about class in British society. Were these children already who they would be, by the age of seven? Were their paths laid out for them and constrained in such a way that they would conform or be limited by class expectations or opportunities such as education? The first documentary ended with the sentence "Give me the child until he is seven, and I will give you the man."
Here's the first part of the first film. You can watch the whole series on Netflix streaming. 



The films don't set out to be anthropology, sociology or psychology in an academic sense, but they do prompt reflection on  nature and nurture,  the work of marriage,  mental health, parenting, immigration, changing gender roles. The seven-year olds from the upper-class backgrounds are clearly parroting what they've heard from their parents when they list the schools they expect to attend, in contrast to the boy in the orphanage who asks, "What's university?" It is also not revealed that the boy who seems to be the most Tory in his statements, John, the most representative of a certain upper-class posture, lost his father at the age of 9, and was raised by his Hungarian mother, attending public schools on scholarship. Although he has privilege and wealth, his life was not as easy as the films imply.

One of my favorite moments in the 14-year old episode is when Suzy, also from a wealthy background, refusing to look directly at the camera and clearly uncomfortable about the whole deal, responds with a perfect teenager eye-roll to an earnest question by Apted, off camera.

The last of the series that I was able to see was 49 Up. Here's a clip:


The latest film, 56 Up, has already been screened in the UK, and will probably be released shown in the US in Jan 2013. Much has been said about the how this series of films has affected the lives of the participants, and how it continues to fascinate viewers, especially now that "reality TV" is present as a comparison. Apted has said that he regrets that there were not more girls in the bunch, or more middle-class children, but even if the group is not truly representative of their generation in that sense, the series is a fascinating longitudinal study of human beings, as well as compelling cinema.

POV blog offers a list of 100 documentary films to see

Now I know what to add to my Netflix queue! I copied this list from the PBS program POV's blog.  They crowd-sourced a list of documentaries from their viewers. Naturally, some readers left their expressions of outrage in the comments, but also included more titles.

I have seen 33 of them (marked with strike-through) and have heard of most of the others. Some I will probably never see (The Cove, no, I can't). There are at least 2 or 3 that I think I might have seen, but I honestly can't actually remember if I just saw a clip in a class (Shoah, Gimme Shelter) or did see them at the PFA  (For the 15 years I lived in Berkeley, I don't think I ever lived more than six blocks from the Pacific Film Archive, where I went instead of watching the TV I did not have: a different double feature almost every night of films new and old, from all over the world).

This list has struck my "completist"  nerve, and I will probably look at the titles with a different sense of motivation the next time I am scrolling through my queue, trying to decide what I feel like watching.

I really want to see the Up series.

The 100 “Greatest” Documentaries

In November 2012, POV asked its viewers, “What do you think are the greatest documentaries of all time?” Viewers were allowed to define “greatest” however they wished, whether that meant the most expertly crafted, influential, illuminating, impactful, form-defining, beloved or simply those that were the most successful at the box office. After 30 days of voting on over 1000 submissions, these 100 came out on top. How many have you seen?

1. Grey Gardens (1975)
2. Paris is Burning (1990)
3. Hoop Dreams (1994)
4. The Thin Blue Line (1988)
5. Bowling for Columbine (2002)
6. Harlan County, USA (1976)
7. The Times of Harvey Milk (1984)
8. Grizzly Man (2005)
9. Roger & Me (1989)
10. Exit Through the Gift Shop (2010)
11. Man on Wire (2008)
12. The Fog of War: Eleven Lessons from the Life of Robert S. McNamara (2003)
13. The Up Series (1964-)
14. Capturing the Friedmans (2003)
15. Crumb (1994)
16. Jesus Camp (2006)
17. Food, Inc. (2008)
18. King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters (2007)
19. An Inconvenient Truth (2006)
20. Salesman (1968)
21. Man With a Movie Camera (1929)
22. Super Size Me (2004)
23. Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004)
24. Woodstock (1970)
25. Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room (2005)
26. American Movie (1999)
27. Night and Fog (Nuit et brouillard) (1955)
28. The Civil War (1990)
29. March of the Penguins (2005)
30. Titicut Follies (1967)
31. Sherman’s March (1986)
32. Planet Earth (2006)
33. Eyes on the Prize (1987)
34. Religulous (2008)
35. The Last Waltz (1978)
36. Paradise Lost: The Child Murders at Robin Hood Hills (1996)
37. Spellbound (2002)
38. Born into Brothels (2004)
39. Dogtown and Z-Boys (2001)
40. Hearts of Darkness: A Filmmaker’s Apocalypse (1991)
41. Koyaanisqatsi (1982)
42. The Cove (2009)
43. Nanook of the North (1922)
44. The Corporation (2003)
45. The Celluloid Closet (1995)
46. Buena Vista Social Club (1998)
47. Sicko (2007)
48. Waltz with Bashir (2008)
49. Gimme Shelter (1970)
50. Stop Making Sense (1984)
51. Shoah (1985)
52. When We Were Kings (1996)
53. Who Killed the Electric Car? (2006)
54. Inside Job (2010)
55. Hearts and Minds (1974)
56. Murderball
57. The Gleaners & I (2000)
58. Restrepo (2010)
59. Bill Cunningham New York (2010)
60. Sans Soleil (Sunless) (1983)
61. Dont Look Back (1967)
62. Touching the Void (2003)
63. Everyday Sunshine: The Story of Fishbone (2010)
64. Baraka (1992)
65. This Film Is Not Yet Rated (2006)
66. Tongues Untied (1989)
67. Brother’s Keeper (1992)
68. High School (1968)
69. F for Fake (1973)
70. Capitalism: A Love Story (2009)
71. Dark Days (2000)
72. Cave of Forgotten Dreams (2010)
73. Cosmos (1980)
74. Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father (2008)
75. Helvetica (2007)
76. Why We Fight (2005)
77. Winged Migration (2002)
78. The Aristocrats (2005)
79. Last Train Home (2009)
80. The Atomic Cafe (1982)
81. Jiro Dreams of Sushi (2011)
82. Wordplay (2006)
83. Burden of Dreams (1982)
84. Monterey Pop (1968)
85. The Battle of Chile (1975-1979)
86. The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill (2003)
87. Gasland (2010)
88. The Interrupters (2011)
89. Catfish (2010)
90. The Endless Summer (1966)
91. Marwencol (2010)
92. If a Tree Falls: A Story of the Earth Liberation Front (2011)
93. Triumph of the Will (1934)
94. King Corn (2007)
95. Madonna: Truth or Dare (1991)
96. No Direction Home: Bob Dylan (2005)
97. Sweetgrass (2009)
98. The Kid Stays in the Picture (2002)
99. The Decline of Western Civilization (1981)
100. Fast, Cheap and Out of Control (1997)

So glad we bought a snowblower last week!

 By the time I took the brand new "snow blower" out for its test run, seven inches of very wet snow had fallen. It is called a "quitanieves" in Spanish or "souffleuse de neige" in French, according to the trilingual manual. I got it on sale last week, fifty dollars less than today.

 I was thrilled! It did a great job of shooting the snow over to the side ( your turn a little crank to redirect the spout), and cleared the sidewalks down to the last half inch, but there was so much water in the snow that I had to use a shovel to hack up the stuff that was packed down by pedestrians. Still a workout to haul it around without running over the extension cord (special! for super-cold temps!), but I got the hang of it really fast. It's easy to use, and I don't have to worry about gas. The snow is still falling, and they are predicting 14" total by tomorrow morning's commute. I'll be doing it all again in the morning, but at least I won't be trying to move over a foot of wet snow, which would surely burn out the belt in no time.

A Snow Emergency has been declared, so parking restrictions go into place. In Minneapolis, for those of us without garages, this means the dance of odd/even sides of the street. If you don't move your car correctly during the time frames, you WILL be towed and it will cost a lot of money and take at least half a day to get your car back.

 My first snow tow, several years ago now, required a three-hour wait in a line at -11 degrees, so that by the time I got to pay my fine, I had to pee so badly I almost didn't make it home in time. NEVER AGAIN. Even with my butt-ugly Sorel boots that I bought in 1988 when I moved here, a full-length down coat with a hood, a wool hat, muffler and double ragg-wool mittens, I was miserable in that line

Tomorrow, I'll also have to shovel out  the garbage and recycling bins aren't so they won't be behind a snow berm in the alley, that will freeze and be there for the rest of the winter.

UPDATED TO ADD: 15" total,  and I"m so glad it shoveled the first 7" yesterday. It made today's job so much easier. But there is not getting around the fact that shoveling the snow away from the garbage and recycling bins, without getting it in the alley, is freakin' hard work.  It is one good way to meet your neighbors, though.

Someone made this nifty little song to help remember where to move your car and when.

Midweek round-up: political metaphors, animal antidotes, Velvet Underground

Everyone and their brother has embedded this; let me jump on the bandwagon: Montgomery Burns gives  his explanation of the "fiscal cliff."

Are you as tired as I am of the misleading metaphor "fiscal cliff"? George Lakoff, UC Berkeley professor of Linguistics and author of many books about metaphor and the embodied mind, tells us how it works, and why it is so hard to get rid of it.

When I am feeling particularly stressed out, I have found that visiting the site ZooBorns always makes me feel better. The videos of this lion mother with her four cubs have been especially lovely.

Wow, Science Friday, the NPR show that I love, has a Spanish-language blog!

Velvet Underground, live in 1969.
Set List:
1. Heroin (0:00)
2. Move Right In (8:26)
3. I’m Set Free (13:12)
4. Run Run Run (17:49)
5. I’m Waiting For The Man (25:39)
6. What Goes On (34:35)
7. I Can’t Stand It (39:05)
8. Candy Says (45:23)
9. Beginning To See The Light (50:10)
10. White Light/White Heat (56:00)
11. Pale Blue Eyes (61:42)
12. Sister Ray (68:10)

Old school "Reading Rainbow"

Today I learned that this is Chaka Khan singing the theme song to Reading Rainbow. No wonder.

Pixies, "Where is My Mind" and second chances in life

 I'm so glad I go to see the Pixies on their most recent tour, when they played the album "Doolittle." They were hugely influential, if not as commercially successful as some other bands, but broke up for a while.  I missed knowing about them their first time around, in the late eighties: too busy finishing my PhD and trying to get a job. So, thanks to Rick, who snagged tickets and took me along. Their show was insanely great.

Their generous web site has boatloads of material you can download for free: live concerts, great stuff.

Live, 1988 "Where is My Mind"


loudQUIETloud is a documentary about the band's reunion in 2004. I found it totally engrossing, because it is a portrait of a second act in life, for people who have been through recovery, started new lives, had children, and who still can create that magic when they go out on stage together, even if they are not best friends when they are off stage.


This British Channel 4 documentary "Gouge" interviews many musicians about how hearing Pixies in the late '80s influenced them. Is not David Bowie mesmerizing? He's so intelligent, and so beautiful.


 Not enough Kim Deal, though. Gotta fix that:

Change is good

This week, I made a big decision. It will take along time to put into action, but in my gut it feels right. I'm going to let go of a dream that has been dead for a long time now. I'm very fortunate that the change I'm going to make can be done slowly, and in a way that shelters me from uncertainty, but it will be a big change. Looking back, I realize that I have been working hard in the last few years to make positive changes, but the paths I followed were dead ends. It's time to cut it all loose.

No more gnashing of teeth, no more chasing my tail, no more struggling, mired in the Slough of Despond. It exhausts me; it is dreary, and boring, and it could go on forever while I sink in over my head, every semester, and gasp and drown and flail.

I hereby declare that my war on reality is over. I surrender, and I'm going to move on. I have tried valiantly, and then foolishly, to change things I cannot change. (Because it wasn't FAIR!) They are not going to change. I, on the other hand, have changed, and need to make change, for the better. I'm must try to move forward  from possibility instead of fear. The fears have not gone away, but now I also feel a sense of certainty that I have always trusted in the past. This feels right.

Already, I am flooded with relief and eagerness for the future. At the same time, I'm humbled to recognize that I have choices that most people won't have. I can't, I won't let fear prevent me from making them.

Small steps.
I'm taking a medical leave to regroup, rest, recover. I'm leaning on my medical team: changing medications, working to find the right therapist, doing my spiritual homework.
So much clutter. It's time to cut it loose.

Argle Bargle

One step out the door. I'm requested a medical leave today, something I should probably have done two months ago when I fell into the Slough of Despond *shudder*

Maybe I put it off because the round of paperwork, phone calls, and permission is so daunting,  argle bargle. I have been waiting two months  (TWO MONTHS) for a medical appointment with a specialist because the only way to be seen any sooner would have been to check myself into a hospital. Which I very seriously considered, but then I decided to hold out as long as I could.

Is it an omen that when I got home the cat had barfed on the bathmat and peed on a blanket in his basket on the porch? I think I need to take him to the vet, poor baby.

what is this sorcery?!!??

Dragon House!

Warning Sign

I woke up sad this morning. The news is grim. Guns and war and greed and fear. In my own little corner of the world, I'm safe and showered with blessings, but paranoia seeps in.

Warning sign, warning sign,
I hear it but I pay no mind.
Hear my voice, hear my voice,
It's saying something and its not very nice.
Pay attention! Pay attention, I'm talking to you and I hope you're concentrating.
I've got money now, I've got money now,
C'mon baby, c'mon baby.

Warning sign of things to come (take it over, take it over)
It happened before, it will happen again.
Hear my voice, move my hair.
I move it around a lot, but I don't care. (what I remember)

Warning sign, warning sign,
Look at my hair, I like the design.
It's the truth, it's the truth.
Your glassy eyes and your open mouth
Take it easy, take it easy,
It's a natural thing and you have to relax,
I've got money now, I've got money now.
C'mon baby, C'mon baby.

Warning sign, of things to come (turn me over, turn me over)
Love is here but I guess it's gone now (hurry up babe,
hurry up babe),
Hear my voice, move my hair.
I move it around a lot, but I don't care what I remember.

Do you remember
What it is that you remember
Baby remember
Baby remember.

Rob Brezsny has a bit from his book Pronoaia next to my horoscope:

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When the spell is broken, you will be able to tap into resources you've been cut off from. When the spell is broken, you will finally notice the big, beautiful secrets that have been lying in plain sight. What is that spell? Can you break it yourself?

What is that spell? I blame, I blame the patriarchy.

Movies this week

Cloud Atlas. No, I haven't read the book. Yes, it does have some of the flaws of earlier Wachowski films, but damn if it isn't a spectacular, amazing, multi-narrative, multi-layered film that never slows down and provides some great actors with opportunities to play multiple roles. I'm not always a Tom Hanks fan, but he was brilliant. Halle Berry gets to be more than a pretty face, and Hugo Weaving is awesome as usual. Also features Susan Sarandon, Jim Broadbent, Hugh Grant, Jim Sturgess, Ben Wishaw (he is always amazing), James D'Arcy, and Doona Bae, who was just wonderful.  I want to see it again. Tom Tykwer is co-director, and he and his bandmates provided a gorgeous, gorgeous score.

Silver Lining Playbook (sneak preview). Finally Bradley Cooper gets a meaty serious role where he can show his acting chops. He and Jennifer Lawrence were terrific, and David O Russell managed to combine a serious and often frightening treatment of mental illness with humor and compassion, and a wonderful "redemption through ballroom dancing" ending that was both satisfying and self-aware.  Robert DeNiro gives one of his best comedic performances, and the supporting cast is terrific. The audience I saw it with applauded at the end. Good use of songs with Danny Elfman coordinating the music. Mandy Moore was the choreographer and dance coach.

Howl's Moving Castle. We adore Miyazaki movies, but we have only ever seen them on DVD. To see this film in a movie theater was wonderful. The quality of the art, the colors, the animation, the wonderful music: it was all so much more vivid and compelling on the big screen. They were only showing the English dub, but the voice acting was terrific: Christian Bale, Lauren Bacall, Jean Simmons, Blythe Danner, Emily Mortimer, Billy Crystal.

Life list #3: New recipe every week: Aloo Gobi

I'm getting a box from my CSA, Featherstone Farms, every two weeks this winter. In the past, I've always done the summer share, and I love it, but I'm a big fan of winter root veggies and the kind of greens that you can get in the late fall. I'm interested to see what kinds of crops we'll get. So far in the first two boxes I have received cilantro, parsley, delicata squash, beets, kale, spinach, potatoes, red and white onions, radishes, tender cauliflower, fabulous broccoli,  cabbage, and napa cabbage. Oh, and a pumpkin!

I can tell I'm going to have to make sure I don't get behind on cooking all the vegetables! Today, I roasted some of the carrots and potatoes with olive oil and salt, roasted the beets in their jackets, steamed the spinach, and baked a kabocha squash I had from before. For my new recipe of the week, I made a cauliflower curry from the slow-cooker cookbook. All the vegetables were from the farm except the garlic and ginger.

Slow-cooker cauliflower curry (Aloo Gobi)
Chop a red onion, super fresh cauliflower and sweet crisp carrots. Throw in a few small potatoes, garlic and ginger, some chopped cilantro. Season with Garam Masala, salt, pepper, cumin. Add two T of good tomato paste (in the absence of fresh tomatoes) and a splash of beer to moisten. Mix it all up in the slow cooker, then cook on low for 4-5 hours. Everything gets melty and permeated with the sauce, and the whole thing is yummy.

The carrots are not typical, but I couldn't resist. I could have added a sliced jalapeño or serrano pepper, some turmeric, maybe toasted some black mustard seeds, but I didn't have them on hand. One can also prepare this on the stove top, but I LOVE my slow-cooker.

Monday's Scorpio New Moon Eclipse

A new moon is a time for planting seeds, and the new moon in Scorpio means we have the chance to dive deep and work through our deepest truths, to be reborn like the phoenix from its ashes.
What would this mean for you? What does it mean for me?

Monday's total solar eclipse intensifies this moment; the sun, the moon, and the earth are aligned.  The last such eclipse in this series was 18 years ago, within days of my child's birth and my own birthday. It was a moment of profound transformation, birth and rebirth. Now she is 18 and has moved out of the house, on her own journey as an artist and student and a young woman. I didn't realize how profoundly this would affect me, but after some hard struggle I am moving through, opening myself up to this moment of transformation.

The Scorpio archetype calls to mind Persephone's descent to the underworld, which she must do to detach from her mother Demeter.

Kelly Rosano says: be a conscious creator.

At Empowering Astrology,  prepare yourself  "To boldly go where no man has gone before".

Molly Hall suggests some Scorpio New Moon Tips

• Avoid obsessing on "what ifs" -- gravitate to activities that make you feel hopeful.
• Take a long bath with special salts or oils. (I went to the sauna at the Y)
• Minimize the rushing around, in favor of some empty space on your day planner.
• Sage your space, and invoke spirits of protection, if necessary.
• Recall your energy from bad investments, and feel it concentrating around you.

Detox and purge. Surrender and feel all the feelings, then let go of them.

Today I listen to Lucinda Williams's song "Get Right With God"

I would risk the serpent's bite
I would dance around with seven
I would kiss the diamond back
If I knew it would get me to heaven

(Chorus:)
'Cause I want to get right with God
Yes, you know you got to get right with God

I would burn the soles of my feet
Burn the palms of both my hands
If I could learn and be complete
If I could walk righteously again

I would sleep on a bed of nails
'Till my back was torn and bleeding
In the deep darkness of Hell
The Damascus of my meeting

I asked God about his plan
To save us all from Satan's slaughter
If I give up one of my lambs
Will you take me as one of your daughters?

Vote No: The moment they learned that their hard work had been successful

Waiting for the results on the MN constitutional marriage amendment,  the campaign workers for Minnesota United for All Families listen to a pep talk and are told by campaign director Richard Carlbom that they should probably go home. But first, a list of their accomplishments in the campaign to get out the vote and talk to people about the issues.  Suddenly, a phone call and the announcement that the AP has called it: the No vote won. Jubilation!

Antidote: Jon Stewart mocking Fox News

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
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"Is that just math you do as a Republican to make yourself feel better?" Megan goes to the Decision Desk.

Resaca

After a year of relentless psychic brutality, the campaigns are over. I'm feeling physically and mentally battered. I need to do some kind of cleansing ritual.

"Dirt Day" Laurie Anderson at the Walker

I saw Laurie Anderson perform "Dirt Day" at the Walker last night. I ended up with an extra ticket at the last minute, so I left it at the box office; they said a woman was on the waiting list. After I had been in my seat for a while, she arrived, offering to pay me. I said that since it was going to be my birthday, the ticket was a gift. We talked and discovered some things in common, so after the show, exchanged emails.
The piece was nothing like the "hits" I know, but combined many of the elements of her previous work. It was infused with great melancholy, as well as humor.

And, for old time's sake, here's the first thing I ever heard her do:

Ha, Ha!