Chronic Illness/ Wellness

The insurance company turned down my application for long-term care insurance because of pre-existing medical conditions, even though I disclosed them when I applied. I'm not sure if that is legal, but that's a subject for further research.

This is my meditation for today:

The UC Berkeley Wellness site says this:

What is "Wellness"?

Wellness is much more than simply the absence of sickness. It is optimal physical, mental, and emotional well-being, a preventive way of living that reduces—sometimes even eliminates—the need for remedies. Wellness emphasizes personal responsibility for making the life-style choices and self-care decisions that will improve the quality of your life. One crucial tenet is that preventing illness is even more important than treating it, especially since many chronic diseases are incurable.

Wellness is a positive, day-to-day approach to a long, healthful, active life. It includes both highly scientific and practical medicine—from the latest research and most advanced tests to reliable home remedies and common sense.

For me, wellness cannot be understood as the absence of sickness, because I have lived with the symptoms of two chronic illnesses -fibromyalgia and chronic depression--for most of my adult life. Cheri Register's book The Chronic Illness Experience: Embracing the Imperfect Life is the best book I know about the challenges of coming to recognize that these conditions will never go away, and that I must find ways to live well. I am fortunate that I am able to work (although not at the capacity I would like) and be physically active (although not always, and not always the way I'd wish), and that I am not now disabled.

For years, before I was correctly diagnosed (in my mid thirties) I was told there was nothing wrong with me (the implication being that it was all in my head) but I kept trying to "get better" because I was suffering. I believed, because I had been told by so many doctors, that all I needed to do was eat right, exercise, and have the right attitude, and I would be able to somehow achieve wellness, understood as the absence of disease. I also believed that if I was not successful at "getting better", it was because I was doing it wrong, or had character defects of some kind: I was a Type-A personality, a perfectionist, "too angry", the adult child of an alcoholic, hysterical, another one of those women. It turns out that research has shown that these are myths.

Correct diagnosis and a holistic treatment plan have made it possible for me to manage my symptoms better. The idea of wellness as a daily practice helps me think about my "chronic illness experience" as part of me, rather than something that has happened to me. I'm not through mourning the loss of the person I thought I was going to be, but I embrace my imperfect life.