qu'est-ce que c'est?

Passiflora

with bee.

Garden Buddha

je suis de retour

tentative timeline

December

•  get rid of stuff
• decide how to sell
• Dec 28-Jan 12 scout out SF real estate market, rental vs sales

Jan 13-30:

• finish clearing stuff out
• store stuff for R. with L.
• store stuff to ship once I get an unfurnished place in SF
• list and show place

Drive out to SF with cat in Spring.

It took six months to list, clean, clear out stuff, give everything away, find a place to rent in Berkeley, sell, and leave Minnesota. The cat and I drove for four days, with just a few things in the trunk. I sent myself 9 boxes, using Amtrak. June 2, I arrived in Berkeley, and spent the next little while getting set up.

The cat made it until September and then I had to say goodbye to him. He was 17 and diabetic, but it was hard.

I am back.

Last winter in Minnesota

It just hit me that this will be my last winter in Minnesota!
I will savor the last time I get to

-shovel snow. If I'm lucky, I'll even get to use the snow-blower!

-wave at my neighbors as we shovel snow;

-chip ice off the sidewalk on that one spot where my neighbors' roof melt pools and freezes in front of our building;

-scrape ice off the windshield of my car with one of three different ice-scraping tools I have in my trunk;

-check obsessively to make sure I don't get towed during the snow emergency parking dance;

-model my stylish full-length down coat/Sorel boots/hat with earflaps/ double rag-wool mittens/face mask while enjoying the sensation of wearing silk long underwear;

-say something like, "well, I remember the big blizzards of '92!" or "but this is an unusually warm winter!"

-help someone jump start a car (mine or theirs) "red to red, black to black";

-brake my car and slide gently into a spin on the freeway while practicing turning INTO the spin;

-watch thousands of crows fly the crow highway on their way to roost in Loring Park or at that spot over by I-35, as the sun goes down at 4:15.

-listen to my boots make that crunching noise when the snow it is really cold and the snow is dry;

-feel my breath freeze on my nose-hairs;

-dig my car out of snow drifts, and then practice my well-honed skills of rocking it out of the ice ruts without burning out the clutch.

je déménage

I have decided to move out of this place because I hate my new neighbors (for their noise and disrespect) and I hate my old neighbor (because her first instinct is always to be mean). Too much psychic garbage. J'en ai vraiment ras-le-bol.

First step: an announcement of intentions.  I told mom, Loren and Blas. Yay, me!

Next step: clear out all the the stuff. There is SO MUCH STUFF. If I just do some every day, that will be good. Every time I get mad at the neighbors,  can pack up a bag or a box and slam my way up and down the stairs, ha ha.

I sold almost all my DVDs for about $100 at Half-Price Books. I saved the ones that I know Rosemary might want (about a box full). Several more bags of books are packed and in the trunk of the car so I can go back tomorrow. The main goal is just to get them out of the house, but if I can make enough money to pay for cat care over the holiday, that will be good.

I also took vases and stuff off the top shelf of the kitchen dish cupboard. So tedious to have to wrap them, but I could also take them out to the back yard and smash them to bits with a hammer.

I put the fake tree and a garland out, and someone took them. Now there is a chair, two TV tray tables and a hideous Xmas ornament ball. Let's see how long before they are gone, too [ETA: the Xmas ball and tray tables were gone by morning. Next, the chair!] It isn't supposed to rain or even be cold in the next few days, at least until Tuesday.

What will I do?

1. rent my place to a visiting scholar and have VSM manage it for me 
2. empty it out and get it ready to sell.
3. look for a place to rent in the Bay Area. 
4. go to Mexico for a few months
5. find some house-sitting gigs.

En route!

je dégage

I unfollowed everyone except R on Twitter, and deleted the icons from my browser and phone. I need to stay away because my interactions with it were becoming morbid and enfermiza. Ya basta.

Until I can be in a situation where I can count on sleeping well and not being angry and anxious about it all the time, I will cut myself off from the ugly new. I can seek it out if I need to, but I must make that difficult.

Nodal axis: Scorpio North Node in the 7th house

I am learning about the moon and lunar nodes in astrology


 Here is what Allison Gunn writes on the lunar nodal axis in general.

"Wrestling the Dragon: The Meaning and Purpose of the Lunar Nodes"

"Here’s a secret about the nature of the Nodal axis, best illustrated by the transformation that takes place when the soul is ready to move into North Node behaviors: you become utterly exhausted by your old, worn out way of doing things, and you grow intensely weary of who you have become. You long to jettison the past, and move into new ways of being. You long for it like someone walking through the desert longs for water. It is at this point that you are ready to start doing things the North Node way." 

My natal chart shows Scorpio North Node in the 7th house (opposite Taurus in the first)

Allison Gunn:

 "North Node in Scorpio in the 7th directs its energy to understand the self in relationship to others more intensely than with any other sign. Relationships are the focus of the lifetime, with the goal of understanding the self. However, there’s South Node in Taurus to take into account, and South Node in Taurus wants a lot for itself. This is, not to put to fine a point on it, a rather greedy South Node because it is so concerned with the needs of the flesh and/or the senses. 
Conversely, Scorpio North Node, in its black or white way of being, can go either way; either the focus of the lifetime is all about the lower self, and fulfilling its immediate needs and wants (thereby losing the primary relationship it craves), or the native is capable of giving up almost anything to cleanse its spirit (or make its partner happy). Scorpio North Node in the 7th is capable of great self-sacrifice for her significant other, which is a necessary step to learning how to be fully present in one’s primary relationship.

Nonetheless, Taurus/Scorpio is always a rough nodal axis because the soul’s journey can’t bear the weight of lots of stuff. Any South Node in the 1st is going to have to do a lot of work on the self to learn how to let go of whatever it is this person feels the need to hold on to. Usually, the stuff it holds on to will damage the likelihood of having a viable relationship with someone he or she would like to be closer to. Scorpio North Node has the potential to give up everything, though, if it can pry Taurus South Node’s eager fingers off the bottle of booze or extra plate of potatoes or extramarital affairs he thinks he needs to survive.

Since Pluto and Mars are both considered rulers of Scorpio, how these two planets are aspected will matter tremendously to how the native conducts his relationships. Whereas Scorpio Sun (or other planets) is usually defined as “passionate” about his relationships, Scorpio North Node is in the process of learning how to relate deeply to one special person (or more than one, most likely—life is long, after all). The fact of any North Node experience is that we are in the process of learning how to “do” both the sign and the house; the rest of the chart will either support or challenge this process. 

Taurus South Node holds you back from being fully conscious in your primary relationship when it is convinced it needs something that interferes with the needs of the other person. Taurus’ ruler, Venus, is the sybarite of the horoscope; the combination of Venus ruling the South Node in the 1st means that the native has very little interest in not feeling good (which can lead to irresponsible, self-indulgent, and even crude behavior). How badly do you want to keep your relationship intact? Some people will be forced to give up on you when it becomes clear your needs matter more than theirs; stubbornness can only get you so far.
Scorpio North Node is not an easy path to tread, though, because it requires something that not all charts support: an intense desire to connect with others that isn’t terribly polite. This is not Libra, after all. This individual’s need for his partner can be very raw and open, and can put others off if he’s unwilling (thanks to the South Node) to change. Keeping up with North Node in Scorpio can be difficult too, because the soul is driven to fully understand itself, and so will engage in psychoanalysis, or any other program (usually not aligned with organized religion) designed to figure himself out.
This can take years and a great deal of emotional angst, but South Node Taurus won’t let the native give up. Their process of deeply searching for self-knowledge could make the significant other wonder what happened to the good old simple days when they just had fun, though. This nodal axis should be very careful not to overdo stressing their significant other with their process of self-understanding. Not everyone has your stamina."

Losing weight, day 7

I was really inspired by Kristin's Facebook posts about healthy food and running!
I started using My Fitness Pal to track calories and create a food log so I can stick to my 1200 a day calorie goal. This is what I need to do if I want to lose slowly and surely, with the goal of losing a pound a week. If I do this for 30 weeks, I will lose 30 lbs by next May. Since I now weigh 165, this will bring me down to 135. Still 10 pounds more than my weight during my 20s-40s, but a reasonable expectation for a fit 58-year-old woman. Because I am also going to start incorporating bodyweight excercises I can do at home so I can get fit and toned without depending on the Y classes.

I am off to a good start. I need to recreate those healthy meal habits: eat more at breakfast and less at dinner. Create small, nutritious meals ranging from 3-400 calories, and allow a couple of snacks. Slowly wean myself from the bad habits that have accumulated so that I gained all this weight without even feeling as if I were over-indulging.

*Two quesadillas and a beer is already half the day's calories, so those three quesadilla meals were one culprit.

*Drinking my coffee black instead of with 1 cup of milk.

*Remember the peanut butter and multigrain toast meal! also the sardines on Wasa bread meal! filling, nutritious, and good protein to give lasting energy without the sudden blood sugar drop.

*Stock up on plain non-fat Greek yogurt. Measure portions if buying large containers'

*Use the measuring cup for portions, especially of carbs.

*Buy a kitchen scale.

*Microwave that egg in the poaching cup to cook it without fat.

*Half the plate should be fruit and vegetables!!

*If I don't buy it, I won't eat it: no sugar, refined carbs, fried substances, fatty meats, bacon, ice cream, chocolate.

*Dates are a great way to get a sugar hit, but the calories can add up fast. One Medjool date is 77 calories, two dates is the same as drinking a beer!

*Always have two kinds of fresh fruit in the house, and washed and sliced crudités in the fridge.

new moon in Virgo! beginning again

New moon/solar eclipse in Virgo coming up this weekend!

Reflecting on this moment,  the new moon is when we set intentions, and the solar eclipse magnifies the energy:

"The eclipse on Saturday, September 12th at 11:54 PM PST at 20 degrees of Virgo is a solar one. During an eclipse, the light of the sun is diminished, obscured and confiscated (though not for those of us that will be experiencing it during night time). Life depends upon the light of the sun. We depend on the light of the sun. When that light appears to be threatened, so too are we.
We realize there are things we have no control over. Like the planets. Like our lives."

I find I have arrived at the starting point of a new journey, remembering what I have learned before, to return to wellness.

"The Virgo lunation is right on time, for stripping down to essentials, to what's healthy and simply good."

Chani Nicholas also says:
"Jupiter’s year long stay in Virgo is asking us to spend some time considering how we deal with the organizational aspects of our lives, how to work in efficient ways, and what details to expand upon. But more importantly Jupiter is hard at work developing the house in our chart that it is transiting in a critical, thoughtful, discerned fashion. We are talking about Jupiter in Virgo, after all."
This feels absolutely right on for me as I embark on my quest to lose those 30 lbs and get back into shape with exercise. I have revived My Fitness Pal, that helped me lose weight a few years ago, and I'm looking for YouTube videos and articles that give me sets of bodyweight exercises I can do at home on those days I don't get to the Y. 

Buying bras a few days ago was humbling. I hated looking at my body in the mirror with bulges spilling out above and below the straps. Everything hurt, or itched, or both. But I bought two, so that I have clean and unstretched bras when I need them, and resolved to change this feeling.


Reasonable and achievable goals: I can, and will! lose one 1b a week, with the goal of losing 30 lbs by next April. I weigh about 165 now, and if I get down to 135 I will still be 10 lbs over my young woman weight, but that is a great target for a woman my age. I won't sweat those last 10 lbs. They will come off if I start dancing again.

Motivation: If I can achieve this goal, I will not only take that trip to Japan in October, I will make it the dream trip. Losing weight will allow me to look and feel good, and be fit enough to walk as much as I want. I want to have the energy to enjoy my time there! w

I can do this. I WILL do this. Yatta!

Liza!

love her forever


from the movie

Casta Diva, que inargenti....

 This week: New Moon and  Mercury Retrograde

from Chani Nicholas's weekly reading.

"The next two new Moons will be in Aquarius....Aquarius is armed with the clarity of thought needed to innovate, articulate and not deviate from its truth."

 "Tuesday: one of two new Moons in Aquarius occurs.
This new Moon is a hyper-humanitarian Aquarian. It’s backed up with a supportive sextile from Saturn, the sign’s ruling planet. In a supportive role, Saturn helps us make manifest our visions, but Mercury Retrograde says that we can’t without reconsidering how we are framing them ...
Wednesday: Mercury’s next retrograde cycle begins, also in Aquarius.

[Mercury is at 14 Aquarius at the moment...."Because this Mercury Retrograde happens entirely in Aquarius, the meditation mainly centers around those who we surround ourselves with.  Do they support us? Do they help us grow? Do they accept us unconditionally? And…of course, do they want to see us change? Important questions for the weeks ahead."]

This will be from January 21 to February 11. Pluto squares the Moon’s nodes just before this occurs, letting us know that deep purges are possible. Uranus applying to a conjunction with the South node of the Moon lets us know that we must revolutionize our role with what binds us to circumstances that leave us feeling obliterated and burnt out."

I have Aries Rising: "These next four weeks give a tremendous amount of energy to the place in your chart that governs good fortune, secret wishes and the hopes we hold close to our heart. Dare to know them. Dare to endorse them. Dare to treat them to the best of what you have to offer. If you don’t, why would anyone else? If you don’t, how will they find the light of day? If you don’t, why would anyone else help you foster such a dream? Consider using this time to create your dream team: a group of folks that share the same values, visions and therefore victories."

and I have my sun in Scorpio;
"Family matters matter the most right now. Finding your footing and feeling firmly planted does too. Mercury and its next retrograde route unearth some of your internal land. This time will most likely expose different periods of your past that are now ready for your inspection. Like looking at layers of sediment that have become compact, hardened earth over time, these next few weeks are akin to an archeological dig. Get your gear on. 
Get your shovel and your brush, your clip board and your khakis because you my friend are about to excavate some serious and most likely serendipitous burial grounds. There is magic to be made when we willingly engage with the work that is our to do. You might find that all of a sudden old, old stories of sorrow lose their power over you and a new rendition springs to mind. One that holds a broader perspective for you and everyone else involved. 
Family secrets be damned. Family shame be exorcised. Family guilt be given to the ovens of renewal as fuel for purifying fires. Notice your part in keeping family dramas alive. Notice your need to be right. Notice your need to compare. Notice how that keeps you bonded to the past and unable to be here and now. 
Notice how far you’ve come and how much you’ve healed. Express that in your relationship to your children if you have them. Express that in your love life and your creative life if you have them. Express that in the ways in which you have fun. Let yourself heal when and where you can so that the mode of expression that you choose can be honest, helpful and healing."

Renée Fleming, "Casta Diva" from Norma.

Let's Eat: Napa cabbage salad

Jaunty little kdrama theme song
.


Last year was bloody awful. Since I lost my health insurance and can no longer pay for therapy, I had to rely on kdramas. They stopped the noise in my head and they are free (if you don't count subscriptions to sites like DramaFever and viki). Now I'm learning Korean. This video gives the English translation of the lyrics, the romanisation of the Korean, and the hangul, so I can practice.

Today's salad: shredded daikon and carrot, minced parsley, half a head of Napa cabbage sliced in ribbons. ]
Dressing: lemon juice, olive oil, salt, pepper, and a touch of gochujang.

If you want to see people eating amazing food in Korea, with lip-smacking gusto and orgasmic moans, watch this fun kdrama Let's Eat on hulu. The story is beside the point, but the leads are sweet, and the food scenes are wonderful. I love the theme song, and how the food-blogger character delivers an indignant lecture whenever other characters make dismissive remarks about food. In this clip, you get the food=mother=let me feed you thing, as he and his soon-to-be-love-interest eat bibimbap with her mother. 

Baked tofu

Here's the thing about eating salad every day when you live alone: you have to scale down your prep or there will be a lot of leftovers, and they will spoil. Even after living alone for a little over two years, now that my nest is empty, I still make enough food for two (or four) when I cook.  Before I make anything new, I must make sure these do not go bad: 2 cooked beets, a large bowl of raw mushrooms, cooked beet greens, salmon that needs to be cooked today, the rest of those beans I cooked in the slow cooker, the last serving of kale salad. On top of that, in the fridge I have: lots of carrots, too much daikon, parsley, a napa cabbage, green onions, fingerling potatoes, oranges and lemons, tofu, fresh ginger.
I will make a napa cabbage salad, and something groovy with the tofu.  I have not done much cooking with tofu, so I will explore some of these marinade suggestions for baked tofu to add to my salads.


For the last two days, my breakfast has been an egg fried in olive oil. Even though I am working on losing weight (and feeling energetic from my shift to a mostly veggie diet of about 1200 calories), I need a good shot of protein in the morning, so I don't get the blood-sugar-drop shakies at 11AM.

Kale salad

Hey, I liked kale BEFORE it became hip! back when it was cheap and relegated to the unpopular greens section along with mustard greens and collard greens (which I also love). Now there are tons of yummy kale salad recipes out there. My nephew was the first to make a kale salad for me, and I was charmed by the idea that you must massage the kale.

Portlandia on what it would be like to try to move celery into the same celebrity status as kale. I love this.


Here's the kale salad I'm currently eating:

--a bunch of lacinato kale, cut into ribbons. It is also known as Tuscan kale, cavolo nero, or dinosaur kale. Thomas Jefferson grew it at Monticello. Maybe I'll try growing it this year....

---add salt and the  juice of half a lemon, and massage it to break down some of the fibers
--dress with a good olive oil and a fresh, plump shallot, minced.
--let it rest in the fridge overnight

When ready to serve, mix it up again and add "salad buddies." I've been adding raw mushrooms, because I like the contrast of textures. Since tomatoes are out of season and I refuse to pay over a dollar for an avocado, they are not present, but I have some slivered almonds to toast (could also use hazelnuts or pecans, not sure about walnuts, maybe too astringent) some thinly sliced radishes, crumbled blue cheese (or parmesan) and some shredded daikon and carrot. Probably not all at once.

Salade de carottes râpées

Salade de carottes râpées (grated carrot salad)


We got back from Spain very late Sunday night. Yesterday I went to my co-op, The Wedge, to stock up on fresh vegetables for my 2015 salad crusade. I ended up using the carrots I already had in the fridge to make the carrot salad. David Liebowitz's recipe serves a large group, but I was just making enough for me so I didn't follow his quantities. His recipe uses a little bit of sugar, but prefer to leave that out.

Mix up:

2 large carrots, preferably grown nearby, grated. Mine are from my CSA farm, Featherstone Farm, and are fat and sturdy.

parsley, chopped. I like flat-leaf parsley better than the curly stuff.

juice of half a lemon

a few glugs of some really good olive oil. I have some Koronciki oil (made in Crete from Koroneiki olives, a Greek cultivar) that I bought in Northfield at the olive oil store.

salt ("Une belle pincée de sel") and pepper

Fresh, fresh, very fresh! As Liebowitz says, don't over do the vinaigrette. It shouldn't be swimming in it, just lightly coated.

I first had this salad when I was in France for my junior year of college. The student restaurants ("Resto U") in  France are very cheap and the food they serve was so incredibly good and healthy compared to the dorm food I was eating back in the States. I fell in love with this modest little salad.  Variations include using orange juice instead of lemon; throwing in some raisins;  adding cumin or pressed garlic to the vinaigrette. Some recipes call for chives (ciboulette) but I prefer the fresh taste of good parsley.

2015 food inspiration: more green salads!

We have been eating the best green salads every day here in Zaragoza. Nothing fancy, just good ingredients. So I'm resolved to eat a good green salad every day at home. There are lots of salads with grains or that are really what I would consider cold vegetable side dishes, but I'm craving salads that are some mix of greens, dressing and garnishes. I especially love bitter greens.
I made myself some kale salads before we came to Spain, and they are great, but there are some common mistakes to avoid and recommendations to avoid digestive overload: slice it thinly, don't tear; use an acidic dressing; massage your kale; then let it sit some to break down; give it some buddies; prefer lacinato kale.

Bookmarking these recipes and sites for green salad inspirations when we get home:

the kitchn is apartment therapy's companion site, and a site search comes up with over 6000 hits for "salads"!  I would like this lemony green salad with radicchio and pepitas.


The Splendid Table, the public radio show with Lynn Rossetto Kaspar has a great salad section. This arugula salad with feta, walnuts and pomegranate combines some of my favorites.

Frisée salad with shitake bacon! from The Delicious Life, looks so good! Also Shitake Bahn Mi Salad from Isa's post-punk kitchen.

Jamie Oliver has lots of "hearty salad" recipes that look terrific, but here's his chopped salad.

David Leibowitz, a favorite food writer, has a great post on one of my favorite things from France, salade de carottes râpées (grated carrots). I first had this magical dish when I did my junior year abroad in Bordeaux, in the student restaurants, and reading his site gives me my shot of vicarious Paris living.

Finally, not a salad, but gorgeous food photography from Shutterbean for this ultimate veggie sandwich.

Sunday in Portalrubio

Yesterday we drove from Zaragoza to the village (Portalrubio, in this case: Spaniards say "the village" the way Minnesotans say "the lake" or "the cabin").

image from Spanish Wikipedia: "Detalle de la localización de Portalrubio en el mapa del Reino de Aragón de Juan Bautista Labaña (1619)"

The weather was unexpectedly warm, warm enough to pull a table outside and eat in the winter sun. Black and green olives, cheese, bread, morcilla, fuet, omelettes (one with tuna and one with perejil from the garden). We strolled around the village admiring the various reconstruction projects. There was plenty of water at la fuente, the miracle of water bubbling up from an aquifer in spite of the lack of snow and rain over the last few decades; Rosemary's grandfather talks about how there used to be abundant snow every year and now it hardly snows at all, the knife edge of climate change.

On the way back home, we meandered along a back round through neighboring villages: Pancrudo, Cervera del Rincón,

We saw buitres leonados (Griffon vultures, or gyps fulvus), riding the thermal currents in a gorge where we were walking. There were maybe 15 or so, sailing, circling. Their wingspan (envergadura) can reach 2 meters. This endangered species is making a modest comeback.

We also say two groups of cabras montañesas or (capra pyrenaica, also called cabra montés, cabra hispánica or íbice ibérico) from the road. It was so unexpected to see them because they are almost invisible against the landscape, their coloring so like the rocky mountainside.
We didn't get as close as in this video, but we really enjoyed how they stared back at us before moving on:

Doomtree

Miss R went to the last-ever Doomtree Blowout the other night. I'm sure it was amazing.


"Bangarang"


"Little Mercy"