I saw Klutein the mid '70s, (not when it came out in 1971 because I was still in junior high then) and found it disturbing and fascinating. Before this rewatch, I barely remembered any of it beyond Jane Fonda crying and dripping snot, and the sense that this went far beyond the usual portrayals of prostitution.
I found it gripping, although not as viscerally compelling as the first time because I'm not the naive person I was then, and because the small laptop just doesn't do justice to the amazing cinematography that is such a powerful part of this film.
Gordon Willis' cinematography is so well described here by Mark Harris:
"Enveloping Bree in a blackness that always seems on the verge of
devouring her completely, Willis makes her the constant center of our
attention by implicitly threatening to obliterate her. In an early scene
in which Bree opens up to Klute about her past, Willis fills the frame
with Klute’s back, a mass of undifferentiated black that turns Bree into
a small light in danger of being snuffed out by everything around her.
Willis could transform Bree’s apartment from a comfortable place to
nestle at night into a warren of ominous shadows. Unsparingly (but never
misogynistically), he isolates Bree, cuts her in half, shrinks her—and
the more he does, the more we lean in to the screen, determined to hold
on to her, to try to see her."
I agree with those who think that the neo-noir detective thriller plot
takes a backseat to the character study of Bree Daniel. Klute was a big hit for director Alan J. Pakula. Jane Fonda won an Oscar,
and Donald Sutherland is a great partner for her amazing performance.
Roy Scheider is also perfect in his smaller role as a sleazy pimp, and
Jean Stapleton is terrific in her scenes as Mr. Goldfarb's protective secretary. Round-up of interviews: here.
The score by Michael Small is very effective. The aura of
paranoia and the moody score made me want to re-watch The Conversation.
The costume design by New Yorker Ann Roth is thoroughly analyzed by Amy Fine Collins, here in this short film on the Criterion site, and is also reviewed by Christopher Laverty, of the Clothes on Film blog :
The short film Klute in New York details the New York locations, from the seedy decaying Hell's Kitchen location of Bree's studio apartment to the skyscraper with views of the World Trade Center towers under construction.
I watched my first Bollywood film yesterday, Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge or DDLJ, for the Red Lantern group. Our host, who is from India, said it would be a good starter film if you'd never watched any Bollywood before, because it was one of the most popular movies from the nineties, having run continuously in a Mumbai movie theater for 25 years. Everyone knows the songs, almost everyone has seen the film, and it was a big boost to the career of one of its stars, Shah Rukh Khan, who went on to become one of India's most globally famous actors. The film's characters include NRI (non-resident Indians) or Indians residing abroad, and their conflicting relations to tradition.
Despite a few moments in which characters lament the constraints gender roles place on their lives, the movie strongly upholds the idea that women are the property of men and must be governed by their will. Apparently, at the time the movie was made, the usual Bollywood trope was that the rebellious pair of lovers would elope, but this movie breaks with that trope by having the man (Raj) seek the woman's father's permission, going so far as to showing him leave when he does not get it. At the very last minute the father changes his mind and the daughter (Simran) has to run to catch the departing train with Raj hanging out the door--a scene that is supposed to read as romantic but that does nothing to contest patriarchal authority to dispose of women.
The opening sequences that introduce the two main characters contrast their gendered roles: she is reciting a poem in which she imagines her future lover, while he is playing sports, swimming, riding a motorcycle, literally racing an airplane as it takes off, just a ball of testosterone.
Simran is played by the beautiful Kajol (who remains a big superstar as well0 and is a young woman who has grown up in London but whose family expects her to maintain her "Indianness." And she does, sort of, but the two daughters switch off the pop music when dad comes home and put on more acceptable music, with the mother's complicity. She begs to be allowed to travel around Europe on a Eurail pass with her girlfriends for a month, and the father agrees but the friends are a lot racier than she is. She is Westernized but still conservative and obedient to her father's dictate that she go back to India and marry a man she has never seen.
We're supposed to find Raj charming, but the first half of the movie shows him as a spoiled, disrespectful, lazy, sexual harasser whose idea of a joke is to let Simran believe he has raped her while she was drunk--and getting her forgiveness by saying "I'm not a scum, I'm Hindustani" and that respects her honor.
In the second half of the movie, when Simran's family goes back to India for her arranged marriage, our lovers have to hide their relationship as engagement and wedding preparations advance. Raj tries to ingratiate himself with the family in order to win Simran's father's approval. Simran wants to elope, her mother wants them to elope because she wants Simran to have the freedom she never had (her speech about this is a blunt moment when the film foregrounds its contradictions), but Raj is still holding out for a resolution that will allow their love match to also be accepted by the family. When the father finds out that they know each other already (from a photo of the two together that blows out a window and lands at his feet), he is enraged by Raj's duplicity. Simran's unpleasant fiancee and his gun-toting friends set upon Raj and beat him bloody, but Raj wins the fight against the gang in the most wacky fight scene I've ever seen in a movie. Maybe this fight follows Bollywood fight conventions, I couldn't say.
The film presents notions of Indianness from its opening sequence of the father feeding the pigeons in London while lamenting how he still feels foreign living there, in obedience to his role as provider. His goal has been to keep his family Indian, and he believes he has been successful with is obedient daughter. He is furious with Raj's behavior when Raj and his friends try to buy beer from his shop when he is closing up--and with good reason. Raj lies to him then grabs the beer and throws money at him while running away laughing. The father's fury is specifically about how Raj is a typical westernized Indian in his bad behavior. By contrast, Raj's wealthy father brags about the family tradition of failing at school as they stand looking at family portraits in their mansion, and indulgently gives him a month's vacation before he is to start working at the family business because he wants his son to enjoy what he did not.
Later, Raj wins Simran (after his horrible joke) when he says he knows how important honor is to an Indian woman and that he would never harm that. When the action returns to India there is a lot of discussion about Raj's family's relation to the homeland. The final fight scene is where Raj asserts his manhood and thereby proves to her father that he will love Simran the most, which is how he justifies his last-second change of heart when he gives his daughter to Raj. Ultimately the conflicts between the tradition of arranged marriage and the love match are resolved by the father's acceptance that Raj is enough of an Indian man to be acceptable.
****
In our discussion we talked about: the nineties as a period of globalization for India and the ways this film represented aspirations for an affluent class; how it promoted Stroh beer and a kind of mindless capitalism; gender expectations and how the film's version of NRI life was a kind of fantasy.
Following up on last night's discussion of Queer Japan, I watched the documentary Shinjuku Boys (1995, Kim Longinotto and Jano Williams) which presents the lives of three FTMtransgender people who work at a onabe host club in Shinjuku. It's a lovely film whose subjects speak candidly about their lives and work. Longinotto also directed Dream Girls, a documentary on the Takarazuka Revue School, an all-female musical theater company where women play both male and female roles.
For another Meet-Up film discussion group, I watched the documentary film Queer Japan (dir. Graham Kolbeins 2019).
It gives very broad and rich survey of today's LGBTQ world in Japan, featuring interviews with at least three dozen people, representing a variety of experiences and identities. It is somewhat less satisfying in terms of contextualizing the particularities of same-sex relations in Japan, or connecting today's queer practices to existing cross-dressing dramatic traditions like kabuki or takarazuka, or to the history of same-sex practices among samurai and monks, but I really enjoyed it and learned a lot.
Here's an interview with the director Kolbeins and producer Anne Isshi:
The Japanese language itself organizes gender through speech practices in a highly complex fashion, that is both dynamic and evolving. Negotiating the many subject pronouns and how they indicate nuances of gendered speech is a challenge to Japanese language-learners. Gendered speech patterns exist on a spectrum from feminine extreme patterns to a masculine extreme, in pronoun use, vocabulary, intonation, and sentence endings. These are not rigid rules for how all men and women should speak; instead they can be understood as situations and ideas about how men and women can speak, and be positioned in relation to ideas about gender (as well as age, degree of familiarity, formality, relative social status, etc).
Our group wrestled with the fact that the film is made from a Western perspective for a primarily non-Japanese audience, and most of us have relatively little experience with Japanese language and culture, so it is difficult to recognize how much we are missing. Since the film interviewed people about how they name their experiences and identities, we saw how some terms are adaptations of English terms, but when Japanese terms were used, we couldn't see from the subtitles what we were missing in translations. This article gives a thorough overview of Japanese gender and sexuality terms, and gives an idea of how they do and don't map onto foreign ideas.
Yotam Ottolenghi (whose cooksbooks are as notable for their design as for their recipes) got invited to do an event at the Met for their Versailles show in 2018, and he recruited some amazing pastry chefs (Dominique Ansel, Ghaya Oliveira, Dinara Kasko, Sam Bompas and Harry Parr, Janice Wong) to create elaborate displays and desserts. The documentary Ottolenghi and the Cakes of Versailles (directed by Laura Gabbert) gives us just a glimpse of the logistical challenges involved in realizing the ambitions of each chef: a pump for a "whirlpool of booze" that doesn't work; a batter that starts to curdle; wheeling the half-assembled displays from the kitchen to the galleries, setting off a fire alarm on the way.
There's some attention to the role of Versailles as center of power and how it displayed to the world France's new technologies and aesthetics, but the film isn't interested in a corresponding inquiry into the role the New York culture industry plays with its gala events. The only tastings we get are of recipes Ottolenghi is testing at his home base in London. But the stories of how each team manages to pull off their culinary experiences are delightful.
The Dig is a movie about the excavations at Sutton Hoo, and a gentle period piece with Ralph Fiennes, Carey Mulligan, and Lily James. I listened to dozens of episodes of the History of English podcast, complete with recitations of Anglo-Saxon poetry, so it was fun to see the story about the dig that uncovered so much Anglo-Saxon material culture.
Here's a documentary about the objects that are now in the British Museum:
Reading in progress: Changing My Mind: Occasional Essays by Zadie Smith. Seventeen essays are grouped in five sections: Reading, Being, Seeing (on film), Feeling, Remembering. I started reading the book straight through, but ended up jumping to the middle to read her essay on her writing process.
"That Crafty Feeling" is a lecture she gave when asked to speak "on some aspect of your craft" and it's funny as hell. When I was working on my one and only book (not a novel), I was definitely in her "Micro Manager" category: endlessly rewriting the first chapter, finishing the last half of the book in a few months.
Tonight for the Red Lantern cinema chat group, we will be talking about Himalaya, a film made by Eric Valli in Nepal in 1999. The soundtrack, by Bruno Coulais, is wonderful.
I have so many unread books, I have run out of room for them. This was never a problem in my place in Minnesota where I had space for lots of bookshelves at home, and an entire office with floor-to-ceiling shelves for all my books for work. When I moved I got rid of almost all of them. It was a huge project; I sold as many as I could, donated more to graduate students, put a lot in the Little Free Library boxes near my house, and carted off the rest to Good Will. I only saved 9 boxes that I shipped to California when I moved.
Now I live in a small apartment with small bookshelves, and all of them are full. I've been using the library a lot, and I'm ruthless in giving away books as I read them; very few make the cut for permanent lodging. Right now, in addition to the unread books on my shelves, there are at least 50 or more books stacked on my living room table. I've decided to adopt a strict one-in, one-out policy I can't bring home any new books until I've read something from the book pile and returned it to one of the Little Free Library boxes that are the destinations of my daily walks.
One out: my most recent read, which I thoroughly enjoyed, is a memoir with recipes called Cakewalk by Kate Moses.
Before
I return it to circulation, I want to choose one of her recipes to try.
I don't have a mixer so my baking style is a little limited, but I'm
sure I can make some of her brownies!
Tonight for the Criterion Cinema Chat group, we will be discussion the 1968 Cuban film Lucía, directed by Humberto Solás.
Some ideas I hope can spark discussion:
How do the three segments work together, not just as separate stories?
The struggle for freedom across 100 years, continuity in the name, a progression in female protagonism.
Foundational fiction/national romance as a structuring trope of 19th century Latin American literature. Difference from 20th century novels where 3 women represent 3 different choices for the male subject because here we see the issue of women as (potential) protagonists. women are objects of struggle, the terrain of struggle but also
becoming actors in the struggle, if still enmeshed in love/marriage
plot.
the scenes of violence and woman's action
first Lucia: rape/betrayal/revenge, warfare, ends with madwoman. Lucía is from the creole plantation-owning class, her lover is the spy-betrayer. At stake are the categories of "Spaniard" vs "Cuban." She is not directly involved in the political struggle, although she has sympathy for the fate of the woman who is raped. The man she loves claims to be both Cuban and Spaniard and also to be outside politics, turns out to be already married and a spy who uses her, manipulating her spinster desire, to get to the hide-out of her brother and the mambises. Her revenge is to kill him in the town square. The interactions with the raped nun/betrayed novia: a split female subject.
second Lucia: machine gun battles in the city, strike, ends with her pregnant, maybe suicidal. This Lucía is from a bourgeois family, with her frivolous bitter mother in the country home, choices of the conventional family vs. love; she leaves her class and family to be with the revolutionary. Goes to work in tobacco factory, takes part in the strike. Aldo and his friend represent the two options after Machado is thrown out. Aldo chooses to continue the struggle, as would many Cubans, against Batista (orgy). Alone and pregnant, whither the future? Here the woman is a participant although still not making the choices (with the machine guns), but will she survive? jump in the water?
third Lucia: national change linked to woman as citizen-worker. After the revolution, this Lucía is the peasant worker. Love and marriage consummated but now the man keeps her a prisoner, is like an anti-revolutionary gusano, interferes with the literacy campaign. The reading scene where she is encouraged to leave him. She refuses to obey, writes "I am not a slave," goes to work, fights back. All the women unite to prevent the husband from attacking her. The futile struggle at the end.
child at the end, a revolutionary consciousness from the future? also hokey, jarring.
I joined the conversation of the cinema discussion group last night about King of Peking (2017), a film made by Sam Voutas in China. He's Australian but spent some formative years in China, and made a Chinese-language film set in Beijing of the '90s. We had also been talking about the Iranian-American director Ana Lily Amirpour's film A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night and the way film's are positioned in relation to a country and its film-making. What difference does it make to how a film is experienced when we locate it as "Iranian" or "Chinese"? Does it make sense to talk about Amirpour's film as a diaspora (or "post diaspora") film? What does King of Peking "get right" about a Beijing that exists mostly in memory? This conversation is certainly relevant to the Cuban films we're watching for the Criterion Chat group. I will watch Lucia this weekend for our Monday discussion.
In the last year of pandemic isolation, my one and only excursion in contact with other people has been my weekly grocery shopping excursion to Berkeley Bowl, aka The Temple of Produce. It has been here since 1977, when I was an undergraduate, and was originally in a former bowling alley, hence the name. You can get everything there, but the main attraction is the huge produce section which has just about every variety of fruit and vegetable you can imagine.
I live walking distance away, but for the past several months my sister has been driving over from Daly City. We get to see each other, and and I don't have to schlep
heavy bags back from the store now that I don't have a car any more.
I feel comfortable shopping there because they are observing the most sensible hygiene and social distancing measures: they only let a certain amount of people into the store at a time; they wipe down the carts between use; there are markings on the floor to regulate how people line up to check out so that everyone stays a good distance away from each other; masks are mandatory and for a long time they provided gloves at the entrance. If we bring our own bags, we put our stuff into the cart and take it outside to bag on tables, to prevent cross-contamination and bottlenecks. In the early months, there were often long lines (although they moved quickly) to get in, but we haven't had to wait in a line for months now. I can get almost everything I need there. The only thing haven't been able to find lately is compact flourescent lightbulbs so I'll have to go to Ace Hardware for those.
Here's a demo of a recipe for lemonade using the shiso leaf, from the wonderful Berkeley Bowl Cookbook:
Took the blog off private, just to see what it feels like. I'm not sure I'll be using it the way I did before, but rereading my posts is giving me lots of feelings and sparking curiosity: where did everybody go? all those bloggers I used to read regularly who also stopped blogging in the last few years--did we all end up on Twitter? who has a podcast? a YouTube channel? did everyone else delete Facebook the way I did? Time for a little exploration.
A question: why does my neighbor down the street blast music from speakers on his porch? Last night, I finally walked down the block and asked him to turn it down, and he apologized and turned it down, but here he is back on it again today.
Wednesday, August 15, 2018
I have been rewatching seasons 1-2 of Mozart in the Jungle because I want to watch seasons 3-4, and I needed to remember what happened. I'm enjoying it again. It makes me want to go to New York, Mexico City, Havana...and to listen to all the music they feature. I also want to finish it and cancel my Amazon Prime subscription before the free trial is over because I'm trying to be principled and boycott Amazon although I rejoined it to get some BTS-related deal or other.
Photo consolidation:
1. upload photos from phone to Google Drive, then delete to free up storage;
2. transfer photos from Dropbox to Google Drive, then delete to free up space;
3. download all photos from Google Drive to backup hard drive, but keep them to have both cloud and harddrive backups
4. upload photos from laptop to Google Drive, then delete to free up storage.
How many will I lose because I deleted them before I was sure they were backed up? How many duplicates will I have because I was afraid I'd lose them if I didn't back them up again?
Chinese drama:
Tribes and Empires (56/75) better than Game of Thrones. In spite of some major script deficiencies, there are many terrific and subtle performances from most of the cast. I'm not always a fan of the cdrama historical fantasies, but this one has been consistently worthwhile.
Korean dramas:
Just Between Lovers (8/16) current crack. LOVE Junho, so glad he won an award. This is one of the ones that feels emotionally real.
Money Flower (16/24) makjang-a-palooza! but with Jang Hyuk and strong supporting cast, especially Jang Seung Jo, I'm hanging in there to see what grotesque plot twist comes next.
Master in the House (1/?), new variety show with Lee Seung Gi, Yook Sung Jae from BtoB
(who was so good in Goblin), Yang Se Hyeung, and the gorgeous Lee Sang Yoon aka Dimples, who was so damn good in that airport melodrama.
Hwayugi (3/20) terrific, but marred by production disasters. Hong Sisters so snappy dialogue, lots of ghosts and horror, Journey to the West character comedy.
I'm Not a Robot (20/32) absolutely silly but still charming. I have enjoyed Chae Soo Bin in all her big roles this year.
Jugglers (8/16) mostly fun. but I'm running out of steam. Not sure if I'll keep watching. Choi Daniel is entertaining, and the supporting cast is great, but the writing---so much meh.
Bravo My Life (36/60) This drama is so bad, so very bad in so many ways! The set design, the directing, the music choices, most of the writing. And yet... the cast really is chewing the scenery with this trope-y makjang-a-rama, especially Yeon Jung Hoon (uri vampire prosecutor), Hyun Woo. Kang Ji Sub is such a cheesy piece of beefcake, but he's won me over with his comedic timing. I don't know if I can stand it, though.
Counting down to midnight on New Year's Eve by re-watching all the BTS award show and festival performances they've done since they returned from the U.S. There are five events.
At MAMA in Hong Kong, they did a 20-minute set, with intro video material that drops hints about their next projects (I don't bother trying to figure it out, but they always do it).
Intro + DNA + You Never Walk Alone + Spring Day, then Cypher 4 and a version of Mic Drop with three new dance breaks that were so exciting.
Just a few days later they were back in Korea and performed at the Melon Awards. The set was
DNA+You Never Walk Alone+Spring Day.
The first of the three year-end song festivals (Gayo) was the SBS show.
The set included DNA and Not Today,
and they finished up with Mic Drop.
At the second festival, the KBS Gayo Daechukje, they had a live band, and began with Spring Day, that incorporated key dance moves from several of their earlier title songs in a dance break at the end. They followed up with a throwback to Lost that showed off the vocal line, then Cypher 4 for the rap line. With the band, they did a rock version of DNA and Not Today, wearing military uniforms.
Finally, their last performance in Korea in 2017 was at the MBC Gayo where they did a sweet version of Go Go, throwing hearts to the fans:
and then returned to the album version of Mic Drop, rather than the Steve Aoki remix, with all three of the dance breaks they had done at MAMA.
At this festival, they performed right after New Year's Eve, and were clearly elated with how they have ended this tremendous year.
I went to most of the films in this series at the PFA of Maggie Cheung movies. I had already seen Irma Vep, and was out of town for In the Mood for Love, but I saw the rest of the series. Such a star!
Clean (dir. Olivier Assayas) 2004
A heartbreaking account of a mother who attempts to kick her habit in order to win back custody of her child after her famous musician husband ODs. (I did not realize that they were married). She won Best Actress at Cannes for this role.
Center Stage (dir. Stanley Kwan) betrayal and survival, in the Chinese film industry during the revolution. The story of Chinese actress Ruan Lingyu who committed suicide in 1935, at the age of 24.
Today I pulled the Knight of Swords. Air of Air. Gallant, active, charging off with good intentions. Not always aware of trampling on others, tactless, steamroller, oblivious to own self-righteousness. This card is my "Joan of Arc" card, that aspect of myself that comes at 3AM to torment me with shame for all the times I trampled on others without realizing it. It doesn't matter if you are right if you are also hurting people. They won't take responsibility for their hurtful actions to you if they feel scalded by scorn.
So, the two of these together remind me that Jupiter is transiting through Scorpio this coming year, and I get to go on a Scorpio growth ride.
So let's make it a Comal flight of tequilas with delicious sangrita chasers!
Watching almost ALL the new kdramas, like it's my job. Dropped a couple that are just not good, but still plenty of fun ones.
Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment. On the one hand, I have lost about 10 lbs, slowly, with the paleo diet I adopted as a way to try to rule out food allergies. I cut out added sugar, gluten, alcohol, dairy, and most starches (rice, almost no corn or potatoes) in favor of fruits, vegetables, and animal proteins. I feel more clear, no longer as bloated, less sluggish, more in connection with my real appetite. I'm hoping to rule out any underlying food allergies by re-introducing foods one at a time to see what happens.
But a few days ago I had a recurrence of a very bad bout of acid reflux/esophogeal spasms, and that little pain in the upper left quadrant of my abdomen that I've been noticing after a meal. It's very localized and now it is also actually painful to the touch. Doing a little research, it seems that I could have a little hiatal hernia, which would explain many of the problems I've been having for years.
I will ask for imaging. I don't just want to take antacids.
The good news: the diet change has had some positive effects. Not being on other medications means that the symptoms aren't being masked any more as their side effects. I'm losing weight as I have planned. I'm eating better.
The not-good news: I may have a hiatal hernia, probably from that bad period during my eighth month of pregnancy when I had such bad diaphragm pain. I may need to take some kind of antacid, or I might even need surgery if it is bad enough. But there are things I can do to relieve the pain and discomfort, if that is what it turns out to be. I will hold off on bringing back foods until I'm able to clearly distinguish these symptoms from what might happen from a food allergy. Right now, it seems it would be impossible to distinguish between the two.
UPDATE: lower intestinal distress of unknown nature, but not esophageal, not a hernia, not an ulcer. Informed that if I am not feverish, bleeding, or completely unable to poop or pee, I just have to shrug my shoulders and live with it, and no effort will be made to diagnose or help me learn what it is. I was so frustrated. I think I need a different doctor. I'm tired of her Kaiser battlefield triage.
I can't wait for the chocolate persimmons to hit the Berkeley Bowl!
This, week there is no session with Marilyn on Monday (libraries closed for the holiday). I could take BART to SFMOMA, which closes Wed. instead of Mon.
I will continue to research internet service providers, although Cindy and Chuck have upgraded out account to unlimited data plan.
I will also continue with the paleo diet. Pat myself on the back for choosing fruits, veg, meat instead of sugar, dairy, carbs, alcohol. I have cooked the shrimp and the butternut squash by roasting them in the oven (tossed in salt and olive oil). I've found myself hungry, because I'm also doing better with portion control and quantity. I'm not counting calories, but I have slowing lost a few pounds. I'm still in that phase where the scale bounces up and down, but this morning I actually saw 170, down from 176-8. It may bounce up again to 172-4, but the trend is in the right direction.
This week, I will walk every day. Last week, I had a few days where I only walked to the library and back (about 1/2 mile total), so I want to do better this week. Today I walked to 4th street, which is a respectable 2.3 miles.
✓sun: home to 4th St. (2.3 miles)
X mon: home to Virginia/Milvia (.8 mile) and back (.8 mile) total 1.6 miles
tues: home to Ashby/Shattuck (.8 mile) and back (.8 mile) total 1.6 miles
fri: home to meeting to West Library (.8 mile + 1.4 miles =2.2 miles) return Libary to home 1.6 miles) total 2.2 + 1.6 = 3.8 miles
travel plans: look carefully at all the travel blogs I have bookmarked.
language study every day
Johnny and I took a walk by Lake Merritt on Sunday, the first day of the month. Along with a row of cormorants, we saw this sleeping bird and turtle. After brunch, we walked up to the Rose Garden and admired a very nonchalant turkey couple.
I assume this guy is used to being hand-fed, because he let us get right up next to him.
I went over to mom's and helped her clean out her storage room and dispose of some junk. We did not have a talk. I was able to be calm and pleasant. Major accomplishment, yay me.
Last week, I followed through on my intention to start an allergy elimination diet that will also help me jump-start my weight-loss goals. I have stopped eating dairy ( no milk in my coffee! no cheese or yogurt! no cereal!), alcohol, gluten, rice and beans, soy, and added sugar. I'm eating meat, fruit, and vegetables (including plantain and beet chips from the Berkeley Bowl). I am allowing myself the treat of two chocolate-covered macadamia nut treats a day from the box Cindy and Chuck gave me, so that I don't go crazy and rebel. So far, I have lost a couple of pounds, even if my bathroom scale is from the stone age. The idea is that if I can lose a pound a week, I will lose 30 lbs in 30 weeks, which puts me at my target in late spring. I don't need to go back to my original weight, but I would like to be more fit and not have my feet hurt.
I have also been eating in moderation. That's the key. I am really enjoying my salads, and today I will go back to the Berkeley Bowl to get more groovy salad fixings (endive, frisee, arugula, cherry tomatoes, avocado, pea pods).
This week, I also renew my commitment to walk every day. Last week, I missed a few days because of excessive heat, but the last stretch was good. My walks over the the West Library are a good stretch.
At least fifteen minutes a day (and more if I can) will will do some kind of Japanese or Korean language study. This includes using the phone app for hiragana/katakana practice, and writing out the hangul of dialogues or kpop song lyrics.
Yesterday, I resisted the urge to substitute buying more Japanese textbooks for actually using the ones I already have.
This week I will:
practice time expressions in Korean and Japanese;
print out the new will and other documents;
get new earbuds;
do a financial inventory;
read the graphic novels and comics from the library:
Dec 28-Jan 12 scout out SF real estate market, rental vs sales
Jan 13-30:
finish clearing stuff out
store stuff for R. with L.
store stuff to ship once I get an unfurnished place in SF
list and show place
Drive out to SF with cat in Spring.
It took six months to list, clean, clear out stuff, give everything away, find a place to rent in Berkeley, sell, and leave Minnesota. The cat and I drove for four days, with just a few things in the trunk. I sent myself 9 boxes, using Amtrak. June 2, I arrived in Berkeley, and spent the next little while getting set up.
The cat made it until September and then I had to say goodbye to him. He was 17 and diabetic, but it was hard.
It just hit me that this will be my last winter in Minnesota!
I will savor the last time I get to
-shovel snow. If I'm lucky, I'll even get to use the snow-blower!
-wave at my neighbors as we shovel snow;
-chip ice off the sidewalk on that one spot where my neighbors' roof melt pools and freezes in front of our building;
-scrape ice off the windshield of my car with one of three different ice-scraping tools I have in my trunk;
-check obsessively to make sure I don't get towed during the snow emergency parking dance;
-model my stylish full-length down coat/Sorel boots/hat with earflaps/ double rag-wool mittens/face mask while enjoying the sensation of wearing silk long underwear;
-say something like, "well, I remember the big blizzards of '92!" or "but this is an unusually warm winter!"
-help someone jump start a car (mine or theirs) "red to red, black to black";
-brake my car and slide gently into a spin on the freeway while practicing turning INTO the spin;
-watch thousands of crows fly the crow highway on their way to roost in Loring Park or at that spot over by I-35, as the sun goes down at 4:15.
-listen to my boots make that crunching noise when the snow it is really cold and the snow is dry;
-feel my breath freeze on my nose-hairs;
-dig my car out of snow drifts, and then practice my well-honed skills of rocking it out of the ice ruts without burning out the clutch.
I have decided to move out of this place because I hate my new neighbors (for their noise and disrespect) and I hate my old neighbor (because her first instinct is always to be mean). Too much psychic garbage. J'en ai vraiment ras-le-bol.
First step: an announcement of intentions. I told mom, Loren and Blas. Yay, me!
Next step: clear out all the the stuff. There is SO MUCH STUFF. If I just do some every day, that will be good. Every time I get mad at the neighbors, can pack up a bag or a box and slam my way up and down the stairs, ha ha.
I sold almost all my DVDs for about $100 at Half-Price Books. I saved the ones that I know Rosemary might want (about a box full). Several more bags of books are packed and in the trunk of the car so I can go back tomorrow. The main goal is just to get them out of the house, but if I can make enough money to pay for cat care over the holiday, that will be good.
I also took vases and stuff off the top shelf of the kitchen dish cupboard. So tedious to have to wrap them, but I could also take them out to the back yard and smash them to bits with a hammer.
I put the fake tree and a garland out, and someone took them. Now there is a chair, two TV tray tables and a hideous Xmas ornament ball. Let's see how long before they are gone, too [ETA: the Xmas ball and tray tables were gone by morning. Next, the chair!] It isn't supposed to rain or even be cold in the next few days, at least until Tuesday.
What will I do?
rent my place to a visiting scholar and have VSM manage it for me
I unfollowed everyone except R on Twitter, and deleted the icons from my browser and phone. I need to stay away because my interactions with it were becoming morbid and enfermiza. Ya basta.
Until I can be in a situation where I can count on sleeping well and not being angry and anxious about it all the time, I will cut myself off from the ugly new. I can seek it out if I need to, but I must make that difficult.
"Here’s a secret about the nature of the
Nodal axis, best illustrated by the transformation that takes place when
the soul is ready to move into North Node behaviors: you become utterly
exhausted by your old, worn out way of doing things, and you grow
intensely weary of who you have become. You long to jettison the past,
and move into new ways of being. You long for it like someone walking
through the desert longs for water. It is at this point that you are
ready to start doing things the North Node way."
My natal chart shows Scorpio North Node in the 7th house (opposite Taurus in the first)
Allison Gunn:
"North
Node in Scorpio in the 7th directs its energy to understand the self in
relationship to others more intensely than with any other
sign. Relationships are the focus of the lifetime, with the goal of
understanding the self. However, there’s South Node in Taurus to take
into account, and South Node in Taurus wants a lot for itself. This is,
not to put to fine a point on it, a rather greedy South Node because it
is so concerned with the needs of the flesh and/or the senses. Conversely, Scorpio North Node, in its
black or white way of being, can go either way; either the focus of the
lifetime is all about the lower self, and fulfilling its immediate needs
and wants (thereby losing the primary relationship it craves), or the
native is capable of giving up almost anything to cleanse its spirit (or
make its partner happy). Scorpio North Node in the 7th is capable of
great self-sacrifice for her significant other, which is a necessary
step to learning how to be fully present in one’s primary relationship.
Nonetheless, Taurus/Scorpio is always a
rough nodal axis because the soul’s journey can’t bear the weight of
lots of stuff. Any South Node in the 1st is going to have to do a lot of
work on the self to learn how to let go of whatever it is this person
feels the need to hold on to. Usually, the stuff it holds on to will
damage the likelihood of having a viable relationship with someone he or
she would like to be closer to. Scorpio North Node has the potential to
give up everything, though, if it can pry Taurus South Node’s eager
fingers off the bottle of booze or extra plate of potatoes or
extramarital affairs he thinks he needs to survive.
Since Pluto and Mars are both considered
rulers of Scorpio, how these two planets are aspected will matter
tremendously to how the native conducts his relationships. Whereas
Scorpio Sun (or other planets) is usually defined as “passionate” about
his relationships, Scorpio North Node is in the process of learning how
to relate deeply to one special person (or more than one, most
likely—life is long, after all). The fact of any North Node experience
is that we are in the process of learning how to “do” both the sign and
the house; the rest of the chart will either support or challenge this
process.
Taurus South Node holds you back from
being fully conscious in your primary relationship when it is convinced
it needs something that interferes with the needs of the other person.
Taurus’ ruler, Venus, is the sybarite of the horoscope; the combination
of Venus ruling the South Node in the 1st means that the native has very
little interest in not feeling good (which can lead to irresponsible,
self-indulgent, and even crude behavior). How badly do you want to keep
your relationship intact? Some people will be forced to give up on you
when it becomes clear your needs matter more than theirs; stubbornness
can only get you so far. Scorpio North Node is not an easy path
to tread, though, because it requires something that not all charts
support: an intense desire to connect with others that isn’t terribly
polite. This is not Libra, after all. This individual’s need for his
partner can be very raw and open, and can put others off if he’s
unwilling (thanks to the South Node) to change. Keeping up with North
Node in Scorpio can be difficult too, because the soul is driven to
fully understand itself, and so will engage in psychoanalysis, or any
other program (usually not aligned with organized religion) designed to
figure himself out. This can take years and a great deal of
emotional angst, but South Node Taurus won’t let the native give up.
Their process of deeply searching for self-knowledge could make the
significant other wonder what happened to the good old simple days when
they just had fun, though. This nodal axis should be very careful not to
overdo stressing their significant other with their process of
self-understanding. Not everyone has your stamina."
I was really inspired by Kristin's Facebook posts about healthy food and running!
I started using My Fitness Pal to track calories and create a food log so I can stick to my 1200 a day calorie goal. This is what I need to do if I want to lose slowly and surely, with the goal of losing a pound a week. If I do this for 30 weeks, I will lose 30 lbs by next May. Since I now weigh 165, this will bring me down to 135. Still 10 pounds more than my weight during my 20s-40s, but a reasonable expectation for a fit 58-year-old woman. Because I am also going to start incorporating bodyweight excercises I can do at home so I can get fit and toned without depending on the Y classes.
I am off to a good start. I need to recreate those healthy meal habits: eat more at breakfast and less at dinner. Create small, nutritious meals ranging from 3-400 calories, and allow a couple of snacks. Slowly wean myself from the bad habits that have accumulated so that I gained all this weight without even feeling as if I were over-indulging.
*Two quesadillas and a beer is already half the day's calories, so those three quesadilla meals were one culprit.
*Drinking my coffee black instead of with 1 cup of milk.
*Remember the peanut butter and multigrain toast meal! also the sardines on Wasa bread meal! filling, nutritious, and good protein to give lasting energy without the sudden blood sugar drop.
*Stock up on plain non-fat Greek yogurt. Measure portions if buying large containers'
*Use the measuring cup for portions, especially of carbs.
*Buy a kitchen scale.
*Microwave that egg in the poaching cup to cook it without fat.
*Half the plate should be fruit and vegetables!!
*If I don't buy it, I won't eat it: no sugar, refined carbs, fried substances, fatty meats, bacon, ice cream, chocolate.
*Dates are a great way to get a sugar hit, but the calories can add up fast. One Medjool date is 77 calories, two dates is the same as drinking a beer!
*Always have two kinds of fresh fruit in the house, and washed and sliced crudités in the fridge.
Reflecting on this moment, the new moon is when we set intentions, and the solar eclipse magnifies the energy:
"The eclipse on Saturday, September 12th at 11:54 PM PST at 20 degrees of
Virgo is a solar one. During an eclipse, the light of the sun is
diminished, obscured and confiscated (though not for those of us that
will be experiencing it during night time). Life depends upon the light
of the sun. We depend on the light of the sun. When that light appears
to be threatened, so too are we.
We realize there are things we have no control over. Like the planets. Like our lives."
I find I have arrived at the starting point of a new journey, remembering what I have learned before, to return to wellness.
Chani Nicholas also says:
"Jupiter’s year long stay in Virgo is asking us to spend some time
considering how we deal with the organizational aspects of our lives,
how to work in efficient ways, and what details to expand upon. But more
importantly Jupiter is hard at work developing the house in our chart
that it is transiting in a critical, thoughtful, discerned fashion. We are talking about Jupiter in Virgo, after all."
This feels absolutely right on for me as I embark on my quest to lose those 30 lbs and get back into shape with exercise. I have revived My Fitness Pal, that helped me lose weight a few years ago, and I'm looking for YouTube videos and articles that give me sets of bodyweight exercises I can do at home on those days I don't get to the Y.
Buying bras a few days ago was humbling. I hated looking at my body in the mirror with bulges spilling out above and below the straps. Everything hurt, or itched, or both. But I bought two, so that I have clean and unstretched bras when I need them, and resolved to change this feeling.
Reasonable and achievable goals: I can, and will! lose one 1b a week, with the goal of losing 30 lbs by next April. I weigh about 165 now, and if I get down to 135 I will still be 10 lbs over my young woman weight, but that is a great target for a woman my age. I won't sweat those last 10 lbs. They will come off if I start dancing again.
Motivation: If I can achieve this goal, I will not only take that trip to Japan in October, I will make it the dream trip. Losing weight will allow me to look and feel good, and be fit enough to walk as much as I want. I want to have the energy to enjoy my time there! w
"The next two new Moons will be in Aquarius....Aquarius is armed with the clarity of thought needed
to innovate, articulate and not deviate from its truth."
"Tuesday: one of two new Moons in Aquarius occurs. This
new Moon is a hyper-humanitarian Aquarian. It’s backed up with a
supportive sextile from Saturn, the sign’s ruling planet. In a
supportive role, Saturn helps us make manifest our visions, but Mercury
Retrograde says that we can’t without reconsidering how we are framing
them ... Wednesday: Mercury’s next retrograde cycle begins, also in Aquarius.
[Mercury is at 14 Aquarius at the moment...."Because this Mercury Retrograde happens entirely in Aquarius, the
meditation mainly centers around those who we surround ourselves with.
Do they support us? Do they help us grow? Do they accept us
unconditionally? And…of course, do they want to see us change? Important
questions for the weeks ahead."]
This
will be from January 21 to February 11. Pluto squares the Moon’s nodes
just before this occurs, letting us know that deep purges are possible.
Uranus applying to a conjunction with the South node of the Moon lets us
know that we must revolutionize our role with what binds us to
circumstances that leave us feeling obliterated and burnt out."
I have Aries Rising: "These next four weeks give a tremendous amount of energy to the place in
your chart that governs good fortune, secret wishes and the hopes we
hold close to our heart. Dare to know them. Dare to endorse them. Dare
to treat them to the best of what you have to offer. If you don’t, why
would anyone else? If you don’t, how will they find the light of day? If
you don’t, why would anyone else help you foster such a dream? Consider
using this time to create your dream team: a group of folks that share
the same values, visions and therefore victories."
and I have my sun in Scorpio; "Family matters
matter the most right now. Finding your footing and feeling firmly
planted does too. Mercury and its next retrograde route unearth some of
your internal land. This time will most likely expose different periods
of your past that are now ready for your inspection. Like looking at
layers of sediment that have become compact, hardened earth over time,
these next few weeks are akin to an archeological dig. Get your gear
on. Get your shovel and your brush, your clip board and your
khakis because you my friend are about to excavate some serious and most
likely serendipitous burial grounds. There is magic to be made when we
willingly engage with the work that is our to do. You might find that
all of a sudden old, old stories of sorrow lose their power over you and
a new rendition springs to mind. One that holds a broader perspective
for you and everyone else involved. Family secrets be damned.
Family shame be exorcised. Family guilt be given to the ovens of renewal
as fuel for purifying fires. Notice your part in keeping family dramas
alive. Notice your need to be right. Notice your need to compare. Notice
how that keeps you bonded to the past and unable to be here and now. Notice
how far you’ve come and how much you’ve healed. Express that in your
relationship to your children if you have them. Express that in your
love life and your creative life if you have them. Express that in the
ways in which you have fun. Let yourself heal when and where you can so
that the mode of expression that you choose can be honest, helpful and
healing."
Last year was bloody awful. Since I lost my health insurance and can no longer pay for therapy, I had to rely on kdramas. They stopped the noise in my head and they are free (if you don't count subscriptions to sites like DramaFever and viki). Now I'm learning Korean. This video gives the English translation of the lyrics, the romanisation of the Korean, and the hangul, so I can practice.
Today's salad: shredded daikon and carrot, minced parsley, half a head of Napa cabbage sliced in ribbons. ]
Dressing: lemon juice, olive oil, salt, pepper, and a touch of gochujang.
If you want to see people eating amazing food in Korea, with lip-smacking gusto and orgasmic moans, watch this fun kdrama Let's Eat on hulu. The story is beside the point, but the leads are sweet, and the food scenes are wonderful. I love the theme song, and how the food-blogger character delivers an indignant lecture whenever other characters make dismissive remarks about food. In this clip, you get the food=mother=let me feed you thing, as he and his soon-to-be-love-interest eat bibimbap with her mother.
Here's the thing about eating salad every day when you live alone: you have to scale down your prep or there will be a lot of leftovers, and they will spoil. Even after living alone for a little over two years, now that my nest is empty, I still make enough food for two (or four) when I cook. Before I make anything new, I must make sure these do not go bad: 2 cooked beets, a large bowl of raw mushrooms, cooked beet greens, salmon that needs to be cooked today, the rest of those beans I cooked in the slow cooker, the last serving of kale salad. On top of that, in the fridge I have: lots of carrots, too much daikon, parsley, a napa cabbage, green onions, fingerling potatoes, oranges and lemons, tofu, fresh ginger.
I will make a napa cabbage salad, and something groovy with the tofu. I have not done much cooking with tofu, so I will explore some of these marinade suggestions for baked tofu to add to my salads.
For the last two days, my breakfast has been an egg fried in olive oil. Even though I am working on losing weight (and feeling energetic from my shift to a mostly veggie diet of about 1200 calories), I need a good shot of protein in the morning, so I don't get the blood-sugar-drop shakies at 11AM.
Hey, I liked kale BEFORE it became hip! back when it was cheap and relegated to the unpopular greens section along with mustard greens and collard greens (which I also love). Now there are tons of yummy kale salad recipes out there. My nephew was the first to make a kale salad for me, and I was charmed by the idea that you must massage the kale.
Portlandia on what it would be like to try to move celery into the same celebrity status as kale. I love this.
Here's the kale salad I'm currently eating:
--a bunch of lacinato kale, cut into ribbons. It is also known as Tuscan kale, cavolo nero, or dinosaur kale. Thomas Jefferson grew it at Monticello. Maybe I'll try growing it this year....
---add salt and the juice of half a lemon, and massage it to break down some of the fibers
--dress with a good olive oil and a fresh, plump shallot, minced.
--let it rest in the fridge overnight
When ready to serve, mix it up again and add "salad buddies." I've been adding raw mushrooms, because I like the contrast of textures. Since tomatoes are out of season and I refuse to pay over a dollar for an avocado, they are not present, but I have some slivered almonds to toast (could also use hazelnuts or pecans, not sure about walnuts, maybe too astringent) some thinly sliced radishes, crumbled blue cheese (or parmesan) and some shredded daikon and carrot. Probably not all at once.
We got back from Spain very late Sunday night. Yesterday I went to my co-op, The Wedge, to stock up on fresh vegetables for my 2015 salad crusade. I ended up using the carrots I already had in the fridge to make the carrot salad. David Liebowitz's recipe serves a large group, but I was just making enough for me so I didn't follow his quantities. His recipe uses a little bit of sugar, but prefer to leave that out.
parsley, chopped. I like flat-leaf parsley better than the curly stuff.
juice of half a lemon
a few glugs of some really good olive oil. I have some Koronciki oil (made in Crete from Koroneiki olives, a Greek cultivar) that I bought in Northfield at the olive oil store.
salt ("Une belle pincée de sel") and pepper
Fresh, fresh, very fresh! As Liebowitz says, don't over do the vinaigrette. It shouldn't be swimming in it, just lightly coated.
I first had this salad when I was in France for my junior year of college. The student restaurants ("Resto U") in France are very cheap and the food they serve was so incredibly good and healthy compared to the dorm food I was eating back in the States. I fell in love with this modest little salad. Variations include using orange juice instead of lemon; throwing in some raisins; adding cumin or pressed garlic to the vinaigrette. Some recipes call for chives (ciboulette) but I prefer the fresh taste of good parsley.
We have been eating the best green salads every day here in Zaragoza. Nothing fancy, just good ingredients. So I'm resolved to eat a good green salad every day at home. There are lots of salads with grains or that are really what I would consider cold vegetable side dishes, but I'm craving salads that are some mix of greens, dressing and garnishes. I especially love bitter greens.
I made myself some kale salads before we came to Spain, and they are great, but there are some common mistakes to avoid and recommendations to avoid digestive overload: slice it thinly, don't tear; use an acidic dressing; massage your kale; then let it sit some to break down; give it some buddies; prefer lacinato kale.
Bookmarking these recipes and sites for green salad inspirations when we get home:
Jamie Oliver has lots of "hearty salad" recipes that look terrific, but here's his chopped salad.
David Leibowitz, a favorite food writer, has a great post on one of my favorite things from France, salade de carottes râpées (grated carrots). I first had this magical dish when I did my junior year abroad in Bordeaux, in the student restaurants, and reading his site gives me my shot of vicarious Paris living.
Finally, not a salad, but gorgeous food photography from Shutterbean for this ultimate veggie sandwich.
Yesterday we drove from Zaragoza to the village (Portalrubio, in this case: Spaniards say "the village" the way Minnesotans say "the lake" or "the cabin").
The weather was unexpectedly warm, warm enough to pull a table outside and eat in the winter sun. Black and green olives, cheese, bread, morcilla, fuet, omelettes (one with tuna and one with perejil from the garden). We strolled around the village admiring the various reconstruction projects. There was plenty of water at la fuente, the miracle of water bubbling up from an aquifer in spite of the lack of snow and rain over the last few decades; Rosemary's grandfather talks about how there used to be abundant snow every year and now it hardly snows at all, the knife edge of climate change.
On the way back home, we meandered along a back round through neighboring villages: Pancrudo, Cervera del Rincón,
We saw buitres leonados (Griffon vultures, or gyps fulvus), riding the thermal currents in a gorge where we were walking. There were maybe 15 or so, sailing, circling. Their wingspan (envergadura) can reach 2 meters. This endangered species is making a modest comeback.
We also say two groups of cabras montañesas or (capra pyrenaica, also called cabra montés, cabra hispánica or íbice ibérico) from the road. It was so unexpected to see them because they are almost invisible against the landscape, their coloring so like the rocky mountainside.
We didn't get as close as in this video, but we really enjoyed how they stared back at us before moving on:
The song is 'Snow Days' by the Minneapolis band Trip Shakespeare. I love the vocals. Bassist John Munson now plays with The New Standards, and their version of the song is also great:
Ah, ramen! making it right takes a lot of time and attention to ingredients.
Lately I have been making ramen at home using a recipe from a magazine. Not the instant kind with the dubious flavor packets, but something quite easy using chuka-men noodles.
A visit to the Nishiyama ramen factory in Japan, where fresh noodles are made:
Recipe for home-made yakibuta ramen from Cooking With Dog, showing a simplified version of the days-long, labor-intensive ways to make everything from scratch: pork broth, dashi stock, seasoned soft-boiled eggs, etc:
The right way to eat Ramen (from the movie Tampopo)
Anthony Bourdain goes to Sapporo, in northern Japan, to eat miso ramen (from his show No Reservations).
Another NHK video on ramen, this time a serious ramen shop tasting tour:
Composer Joe Hisaishi, frequent collaborator with Hayao Miyazaki for the soundtracks of his films, performs one of the themes for the movie Totoro, "Kaze no Torimichi" (the path of the wind). If I want a cleansing cry, his music always works.
A cockatiel covers the ending theme song "Tonari no Totoro"---so sweet! what is it about this bird that is so tender?
.jpg)
Posts
